yall remember that show or movie thatd be advertized online or whatever, about this kid who had a censor chip implanted in her brain or whatever? i never watched it but theyd have a lot of clips of that show when i still used tiktok-- i feel like that premise would do particularly well with a horror movie. i was inspired by a door cracked open slightly-- the door would distort into having the crack filled, all things that want to be hidden stay hidden kinda thing. and realistically, something like that would be using ai and whatever elon musk wants to put in peoples heads now-- that original media is like a natural conclusion of ai and brain chips probably anyways. assuming. ai takes a bit to process anyways, there'd be this split second where things are okay and then the blanks get filled in, then the content. the affect on the psychie would be palpable, immediately a child would thing somethings being hidden, that only fuels ones desire to learn more. again, we already kinda see this with 21st century helicopter parents who monitor when their kids are online and outside and this and the other, kids who grow up in those environments becomes serial killers haha. what im saying is i need a budget of two million to make a 90 minute horror movie and FAST!
coming up with new photo ideas every day. gotta think outside the box up here yknow. maybe not everyday but, expanding on one idea a bit everyday. i wish there were like an easier way of reaching out to me through this site; i might have to use bluesky more. i think i have the link to that somewhere on here, like in my about page (which is probably not easily reached at all lol, kinda the point)
i have ideas for like multiple youtube videos but its just a lot of pressure im placing on myself thats keeping me from going through with making them. like i dont want to become the next jerma sus guy or whatever because of me talking about cds and bikes and stationary or whatever. id probably be fine anyways-- i never wanna interact with youtube drama either so thats going for me too. imagine getting into imaginary beefs over youtube videos... literally beyond embarassing. that being said if i played videogames as much as i used to i would absolutely be a great streamer lol. i feel like alot of people make that claim about themselves but something just comes out of me when im on camera its like ive taken two shots or something i just scream and make really bad bits. people like slop like that lol. its not even being insecure about being on camera, like im a photographer-- to some extent ive gotta be comfortable with that lol. been having a nasty ass cough today but i havent been out anywhere really so idk what its from. im so happy hazel on youtube is putting out more videos, she just released a q+a video on her second channel too. once i get my money up again my patreon is gonna start filling...
its a mazzy star, tea instead of coffee morning. so i recently uninstalled twitter off my phone; really low effort stuff, theres still the little hole where the app once was on my home screen. its so bizzare though, i still out of muscle instinct click right there. whats going through my head at that moment, is the fear of boredom, but also the absense of thought. it shows what i used it for, i guess... i feel like we're even more go go go than we ever were before because we hate not having our attention on something. every morning i sweep my kitchen, not because its that particularly dirty, but as a compulsion to do, to work. i think unemployment might just be driving me up the wall-- always these thoughts of if im good enough to earn a living wage, what did i do wrong, how can i bend my back even more so my employers can continue to only wave their hands. i dont really have a lot of respect for those who have like email jobs and stuff. youre telling me you can go, whereever, whenever, and just write, and get paid... i feel like writting is a losing game now, even more so than when people still read books. i write every single day, and at no point do i say "well whens the book coming?" because theres no point. the artistic statement i can spell out over hundreds of words can be communicated, potentially, in a single still image-- thats what im trying to achieve, sometimes. i say all that book stuff yet i could probably publish everything on just this page and have it fill a good like, 30 pages maybe? just to think, if i posted here everyday, with a new paragraph, where would i be? and would it solve anything, futher peeling back the skin, having more to dig into? lots to think about.
i often ponder upon the legitimacy of images today, whether medium (film vs digital) has an affect on the images. textually, yes? theres alot more grain with film, quality over quantity argument to be had as well, with the ever increasing price of film. like, im mostly shooting digital right now because i cant afford lab work or film, id rather make images for free with what i have, obviously. but theres a level of control lost with digital that isnt there with film, specifically black and white. my ideal setup is-- get the film roll, expose the roll, develop the roll, make prints, and boom thats it. i do collage stuff with enlargers, but thats just like, another step in the print-making process, at least for how i collage with light rather than the prints themselves-- yknow like cutting out magazines and glueing them almost. but with digital its very very different-- you purchase a camera that has a chip for understanding the light, a computer inside for digesting that information and to transfer it, near instantly, to a storage medium, so like an sd or cf card. then after that, you transfer the information to a computer so you can view and edit the images, preferably (at least by industry standards) in a software that requires a subscription to (fucking adobe...) and preferably with a monitor that accurately shows the color space. (again, adobe rgb...) again, just my perspective, bc i mostly use adobe software; theres plenty of color spaces, new industry standards being set everyday, and theres always the artistic drive to not conform to the standards, blah blah blah. but theres choices about the pictures thatre being made by computers where before it was in the control of the artist. again, its very minute control being stripped, but i think it has some psychological effect on how we even go about taking the photos, where it would just be you and the camera. idk, i feel like alot of people, artists even, dont roominate on this all that much. some susan sontag type writing ive done on this all, haha... read susan sontag's on photography if you havent though, its on voyeurism and the place of photography and photographers in a time where digital wasnt being grappled with. she was wifey with annie leibovitz, who ive come to understand more and more that she was more a director and control freak about her photos over the years... i should really read that big annie at work book again lol
im a roman candle... new chainsaw man chapter today, very scary thought... life is tough and we all get by, until we dont ha. today i think ill actually record something, like video wise. ive been workshopping this song i came up with on a bikeride for the past couple days and its pissing me off. last night though i think i got something; just my microphone and a looper pedal and my amp to write it. sometimes thatz the best way to write a song, hear that one phrase over and over and over, layer onto it, and boom youve got... usually something shit, hahaha. would kurt cobain been a big kamala fan?
i wanna be a cowboy baby... expert coder me on the case. i think its quite silly when coders are like erm actually html isnt coding like we're all on the computer get over it... so called free thinkers when they want to "code" their websites har har. that mary lou lord song with the copyright beef billy corgan diss is funny. shes so underrated... baking today, peanut butter cookies on the menu
i need to remember to put salt in my cafe bustello before i make it; the salt makes it slightly less bitter. im being plagued today with a headache, another cold. hopefully it doesn't get much worse. i need to mask up more often, ive become more concerned over my health as of late. ive been looking into getting rid of my mamiya, but im still not sure if its the wisest idea. ive been doing a lot of roominating on medium, and what shooting film vs shooting digitally means to me. there's more of a process taken from me with digital; while the film is all only me. its a more pure expression of light, its tangible and not just something floating in the ether due for a storm to snatch it out of the air. timing is the key, ive been learning musical timing, comedic timing, trying to get better at life. ive been wanting polaroid film again. spare a 20?
still reading big sur by jack kerovac; the book mentions living in a big beatnik home filled will poets and alcoholics and these dozen or so people sleeping on the floor and mostly using the space just to make big meals for everyone, to play music, drink, and sleep. and then watching this incredible video with old footage of people in the australian techno scene, where like 30 or so people would live in this big house and one month out of the year they put all their stuff into one big room so that they can host this huge gig/party. rake in some dough, work your ass off, that stuff... im probably going to slim back on my possessions more and more until i can fit them into the back of a pickup. and then be a rancher in the summers maybe.... anything except planting tomato sprounts from 7 to 3, on my hands and knees all day suffering with incredible lower back pain. and then having to go to the restaurant to make a couple bucks that night... i wasnt even paid for the farming gig that was some pos internship in high school! enough of that... and then between the ranching and partying and drinking snap a few pics, enlarge them, edit, cut, copy, paste, make a book, make a gallery, and on and on until hopefully i can do well just taking the pictures. in the meantime maybe something where im on a horse might do me good.
best friends love crappy rap ttogether..! i stayed inside for most of the day and biked for the .9 seconds of not raining today. i had laughing due today and i might be at risk of missing my deadline. because nothing is funny.
i need to read more and get off my computer... like if theres any substance im truly addicted to itz this machine. and weed. idk not my fault... im going to a show tonight thatll prove to be a good time i think. will bring camera to build my ever-growing portfolio. i need to work on lino printing more; my roommate made me a shirt for my birthday that we need to reprint bc the print wash3d off... i also need to make business cards, no way am i spending like $50 to have some company make some for me. if i make a lino for my business cards i can just make new onez whenever and itz easy... much to consider. i finally started decorating properly, hung some art prints in my room. i need to shoot film more; i wanna make a video on my mamiya and why i think holgas are the better investment... i also want to shoot more polaroids. bust that out at the show and you can take the best fit pics ever......
had some nasty ass leftover noodles for dinner tonight; hope they dont make me sick at work tomorrow... ive been craving a particular iced shaken espresso these past couple days; it will be mine tomorrow.......
my apologies for the lack of updates. it feels weird still writing on the same page that has all this stuff i wrote like a year or two ago on it. i can scroll back in time to where i was still so enthusiastic about my ex, and i guess so can you. idk itz not a huge deal, it doesnt have alot of sensitive information, but it is weird to me sharing this site knowing that. not to say i discourage sharing sites and stuff lol, just personally it feels weird to like advertise this. i saw the site recently went over 22000 visits, very cool! never had that before on a site of mine ^^
i need to practice my singing, its been a bit and it really doesnt sound good when i listen back to my songs... at least im still really proud of my instrumentals and that im happy with my progress so far in how i can play. my friends have been marathoning all of the saw movies, so i have recently come down with the sawtism. i had to draw amanda and post on tumblr lol. i wanna do more sets but that would require that i practice for live or record more songs. i wanna either get someone to play my songs with, like a drummer, or strip back my live setup alot. i would bring like 3-5 pedals for my gigs and constantly mute and unmute when i didnt mean to... i should probably just stick to doing that with the volume knob or my kill switch. (yes i have a kill switch on my tele) (yes i know im the coolest and nerdiest for that rofl) whatever. well ive still been working on music, just havent done any of the singing for any songs. lots of lyrics already drafted too... tbh i just need a micstand and like a mixer and i can record better... i need to get a better setup than having to plug in my audio interface in every time. i guess how else would i record to my daw... need to harness my inner grimes and lock myself in the room until something comes out. scary... sorry for not updating for awhile, i was busy in life ^^
i was in the middle of writing a post but i refreshed the page; honestly for the best i was starting to talk about some freaky shit. i read up more on how to do a pro sound mod for the gameboy and, again, its shockingly easy >:) so once i get a flash cart with lsdj and pro sound on my gb itll be over for yall!! the new chapter of chainsaw man was super good me likey ^^
read this article now. soon to change my phone number methinks... >:) i want money for clothes and cds but i need to save my money to be able to pay rent. fuck that crap... they should give me an easy peasy receptionist job that gives me benefits and has me paid with $20 an hour to start!!! this "job market" malarky is total bullshit!!!!!!! only a couple minutes left at work. i need to listen to more things by k records, the new cindy lee album, more stuff by the softies, and just some stuff that ive added recently to my library... i have been meaning to make music lately; the aformentioned article and listening to more music and making more drawings are pushing me to want to do more. ive never felt like ive done enough for myself, for anyone, so for once i want to put my full effort into a project.
at work for the first time in what feels like forever even though i was literally here not even a few days ago... blehhh im sleepy and wanna hang out with my friends... diy venue here just announced a joint show with another diy place sounds so fun im so hype for this weekend...! ive been just sitting around all day not doing much, i should work more on my photography and music in the meantime. ive been working on job applications; not having a car for these types of things really fucking blows... ive been feeling so strange but so happy these past couple days.
im worried i filed my taxes incorrectly, but ill probably be fine. i didnt even make enough for the irs to really care i think... maybe the tax nerds will hunt me down through this lol. playing the magnolia soundtrack by aimee mann at work right now. i need to finish packing for my move... this entry so far is probably so boring to read lol!! whatever dog gets to write whatever she wants. im thinking to go to a party tonight maybe, but i can hardly dig through my clothes or anything for an outfit, considering like all my stuff is packed away... im worried about my whole future and money thing, but im pretty confident that things will work out okay. people make a living however they can and it works and it happens so i shouldnt worry :p im just hoping i can start doing photography full-time within the next couple of years. at least id be fulltime with photography before most of my classmates trying to finish their degrees... lol. i still have my new bike, hasnt been stolen yet. i need to get poster frames eventually, ive just had these really cool art prints for months, close to a year, just sitting in their cardboard tube... very lame of annie i guess. im so glad to be moving out of my little hidey hole dorm ive been in for the past months; its starting to get ants and its been very depressing to be in. nothing to do but play guitar and be on the computer really...
i got my new bike in the other day! shes very fun but only goes 10-20 mph and rides basically like a normal bike... which is cool and all but i prefer my old bike being practically a motorcycle. maybe i should just get a dirt bike... or an actual motorcycle... or a car lol. im packing my shit to move to my friend ajs and itz so annoying. i have too much stuff and alot of it is very fragile stuff. i dont have a whole lot of bags and stuff to throw all this stuff in, hoping my things wont get broken too bad in the uhaul. i wouldnt have so many things if these werent all my worldly possessions. maybe i should have gotten a storage container or something... i cant really afford that. just hoping everything works out in the end. i have to work on my taxes and photo homework this weekend too... annie thing is going to be a busy gal
hi i made this list of my favorite albums ^^ took me awhile to compile; i know i should have had on the music section but whatever i like it enough to put on the main.
just as i suspected, my camera has no light leaks. i just did a test on my mamiya to make sure the film back wasnt busted, or had a leak-- shes perfectly fine. especially annoying after a recent roll of mine came back blank... anyways, my outfit today is very fun and nice. i need to find a full-length mirror in this building to take a picture of it. i was making music last night; im getting more hopeful about my skills as of late. still, i would be better off with ableton than using garageband... im trying to shoot pics of the solar eclipse next week on both my digital and my film camera, but it might be too much of a pain to try to get usable pictures on film. especially considering that it could damage the camera if im not careful; at most though i think itll be the film getting damaged, and probably just only on the frames of the eclipse. i have a bit of worry about the glass elements, but tbh they should probably be fine.
i love to misquote and spread misinformation. i got lunch for free bc i snuck into the dining hall when everyone was filing in from the fire alarm going off ^^ i made a playlist call decapitation because im angry and emo about everything; yes of course it has nin and girls and boys by blur. rofl um anyways im trying to do more electronic production in my songs so i was programming drum stuff in garageband. fuck actually using the sequencer i love dragging and dropping samples in by hand and then putting them through the built in pedal board and automating all the knobs to make really nasty sounds. i legitimately look so freaky deaky and video game character today, i love unwarrented attention in the form of glares from random people on the street it makes me feel like a lightbulb. so many pretty pieces but no pretty wholes... holes? may was so freaky love her. geuninely kinda shocked pj harvey doesnt get the attention she deserves from people my age; literally no one knows who she is when i bring her up... highly influencial within indie music imo but whatevs... my goat will just be "underrated" and "underground" lol. she was nearly bjork huge in the 90s too lol.
im feeling very bored and sleepy and poopy today. i should watch a silly tv show to get me out of the dumps a bit... or smoke weed and eat a whole pint of iced cream.... thatd be so cool. dork nuts is typing..! ought to perk up, the lot of you! they should let me be not so lethargic and for the weather to be warm out so i can go outside and play with my pals and good friends. maybe i should just watch a movie and stop bitching... something very inspiring and informative! bleh. i wish it wasnt illegal to bite people. sometimes i have the incredible urge to do so, when someone particularly irritates me. this room smells like really strange and funny; reminds me of the weird meeting room at my moms old dealership that had not a single item from after 1996 in it.
drawing pretty silly pictures and playing with code ^^ i have to take pics for a fashion show thingy in an hour, so im just eating and drinking coffee and playing on the computer before i have to go. i love kim gordon ^^ i wanna watch videodrome or may 2002 tonight. that would be like my fifth time watching may, haha. i should really work on school work more, but i cant really see the point in it or to get motivation to do it, especially considering im about to drop out of school... where i was trying to get a photography ba... hey soon-to-be college students! if you're planning to go into the arts, do not go to college for it unless youre getting in-state super discounted tuiton! and if you are make sure to make actual art world connections and dont just dick around and smoke weed for 4 years! like a certain someone (me) at least i get free tuiton this year, for the most part... whatever... i love the breeders ^^ david lynch fans are the most annoying people on the planet (i would know) i wanna watch the tenant again now. i love isabelle adjani shes the best... hopefully i get my harddrive back soon, its such a fucking pain in the ass having to edit on school computers and to transfer files through like google drive and shit hoping and praying that the metadata gets transferred and shit.
at work, feeling so sleepy and unwell... i think ill have to go to the doctors today. hoping that its nothing, or that im able to miss my three hour class for once to go... ughh feeling so nasty :( at least my shift is going by fairly quickly. better to have this problem now and not while im moving or something. i dont have much else to write about then, hope yalls day is okay.
its taking all my willpower to not skip all my classes. i have a pimple developing on my eyebrow and its so annoying; even if i had a pimple patch i couldnt do anything about it. i got ink for my kaweco finally, they sure do know how to make a good pen jfc. i dont really gaf about "construction" or whatever as long as the pen draws, but this one like actually feels so nice and quality. especially the screw threads for the pen cap, it feels like very very smooth, easy to remove yet still secure. i watched lost highway last night, basically if blue velvet was bad ass lol. i think i might like it a bit better than blue velvet actually... might have to test that theory with a rewatch. i need to sew up the holes in my comforter already, its starting to look bad...
my bike got stolen earlier today; they broke through the railing to steal it... great. never seeing that again. a great start to the week its been... hardly anything is working out for me here; hopefully my job search proves fruitful. my hard drive is broken too, thats also been a pain in the ass. i cant even work on my portfolio website since i dont have any of the photos. i cant even work on photoshop because my scratch disks are full. this really blows...
ive gone to this coffee shop every day this week and have gotten the exact same thing. theyve gotta know me by now. now i know why i like underscores alot, they share alot of similarities with how they handle samples with brockhampton and thatz like most of the reason why i liked brockhampton much in the first place. i need to relisten to iridescence; i loved the production on that one. this table is wobbly but i dont think im going to move. i dont have much to blog about today; i am going to nyc tomorrow. excited about that at least ^^
#1 online girl. im annoyed i cant do electronic production without an actual daw; garageband is miserable to do most everything on. i cant even figure out how to install plugins onto it... ill have to get ableton like pretty soon. it annoys me i cant even make music i can pretend to enjoy anymore; i can only barely stomach my first ep really. i want to make an album that 1. i like and 2. can make people dance and 3. is easy to perform with. whatever ill figure that out eventually. my lips hurt alot, i need chapstick like really bad.
i feel sore, and sick to my stomach. doesnt help that i ate a bunch after work yesterday; i was totally starving :( i should draw more; i want to make a comic but only to work on the publishing and stuff. im gonna go crazy when we get to book binding in my class. so super cray cray. i might actually work on and make a zine i was thinking about doing, but i think i should work on some music first before that (itz about music) (the zine) i should listen to the strawberry switchblade 4 piece demo more; i love their more stripped back production on there. i mostly just listen to trees and flowers from it, since im not a huge fan of the long intro on the album version. wonder if strawberry switchblade lps are cheap... HOLY FUCK I NEED THIS... they have so many cute singles and stuff that was made, but theres none really available on the market... still feeling nasty. i wanna do more like, legitimate production in my next project. not so much goofing around as in my previous work; i need to shape up and like put something out that a cool grandma would like. theres a lot of history of goth music crossing over into rhelms of folk and industrial, and i feel like that lines up with my interests a bit. ill be tapping into my roots in the meantime... ill need to get an actual daw soon if i want to pursue more electronic production, which i do. my first choice was logic, but i think im going to go with that basic version of ableton and get a student discount with it while i still can. since yknow, im dropping out soon. haha. whatevs, see yall
at work now... i tried eating lunch at the dining hall today, but the food was so disgusting that i only managed to eat less than half a burger and half a salad. how do you even fuck up a burger, like its frozen... whatevs. negative nancy should be my middle name. ill never not be a hater of people trying to sell old stock polaroid film. like you're just scamming people. i saw an ad the other day on insta for 600 film that expired in 1998 for sale for like $20 or something a pack. like that shit will not do anything; the chemicals have turned to dust. not even film from like 2018 is usable now, maybe if it was stored in a fridge or something but even then problably not. it fucking pisses me off that these brands are trying to get a leg up on scamming people who don't know any better. theres a lot of weird stuff about cameras... yeah im kinda a nerd, you could say lol
i am not normal about the movie may from 2002. i think im going crazy. i need to buy radio transmitters to sync my speedlites with my camera. i am considering buying rolls of ilford sfx 200, but seeing as how my mamiya may be broken, ill need to test it for light leaks first. i want to start doing more collage work with my pictures; i need to shoot more b+w film to make some seriously nasty stuff. stitched together like amy. ha. watch may 2002. i have work in a bit. i need to buy a new pack of cigarettes. i still need to practice for my show, even though its literally a noise show like that shit is all about making shit up on the fly. i feel like shit and ive been feeling like shit for awhile. im hoping to get a change in pace soon. do i sound crazy on here? i never feel normal anyways, i dont see why you all would care anyways. come out and reach for me, grab at me.
my stapler jammed right as i ran out of staples, very weird... i was putting up posters for my next show on march 2nd ^^ i got antibiotics today from the doctor for my sinuses; feeling pains in my face and stuff. listening to sleigh bells and dressy bessy rn theyre so good. very cold out today. fuck i think i have an essay due on friday.... woe is me. i went to dollhouse (the venue) on saturday night and it smelled really bad. we should be giving out deodorant for free at shows to the particularly smelly ones. ill shoplift a couple of sticks of deodorant and pass them out at my show. "ive got free posters, t shirts for sale, and deodorant to any in the crowd who stink like shit" *gives a swift sharp glance to random people in the crowd* "you know who you are. thanks! :3" yeah thats how it would go down. haha. someone message me if they have a tent i can borrow for a photoshoot.
i live in a world of make believe, does that make it real?
they never should have let me work here now i play goth music for the entire office to hear. urm i do not like the cure ive never liked the cure. blah blah blah. i wrote an update on the music page for once yesterday, so check that out if you want ^^ just found out last night that we have to wait another week for chainsaw man chapter... at this rate i wish fujimoto would just switch to a permanent two week schedule. tbh better would be to switch to monthly but thatz just my opinion. i need to read the new jojos chapters but i kinda forget that theyre making a part 9 sometimes >,< i read the first couple of chapters but beyond that i have no idea whatz going on with that. i want to reread part two of chainsaw man at this rate; fujimoto needs to have asa in next weeks chapter!! none of my friends are really into chainsaw man so i have to nerd out about it on online forms such as these. or blogs. you could say. i realize the ramblings on this site are like near unreadable due to my writing style of just jumping from idea to idea but like this is how i journal so im going to employ similar tactics. if i had to write "properly" and like dedicate proper portions of each post to each topic id go crazy and also hardly ever update. i want to live in the german countryside... todays the first actually warm morning in awhile; my bike ride to work was so nice and fun and breezy :3 i also got a latte at the library next door; itz pretty mid and doesnt taste like much. cant imagine what their espresso straight tastes like... reminds me that ive wanted to make some espresso with my moka pot for awhile but ive been lazy about it, added with the fact that id have to pull out my whole ass hotplate in my dorm in the morning for it and its a big no from me. i should just keep my coffee stuff then at my bfs place; at least i wake up and need coffee there all the time since they hate coffee in that house lol. or at least my bf does. lol
broke bitch alert. i want to buy a nikon f2 and a zeiss 35mm lens for an upcoming project that i need to shoot film for, but tbh i think ill wait on that. ill probably still try to get the zeiss lens though; you can get converters to use f mount lenses on canon ef mount cameras. (i shoot a canon 1d x, that has a ef mount) i also want to get a nikon pc tilt lens; they seem fun. also a 65mm for my mamiya rb67, that converts to like a 32mm lens if it was on a full frame sensor, so fairly wide angle. i only have a 90mm for my mamiya rn. (that converts to about 45mm) i also want to get a pelican hard case or two to store and carry my equipment in since i have like nothing to carry my bigger shit with; my camera bag barely holds my 1d x and a 50mm lens. been biking more, today is slightly warmer than usual. i finished painting a guitar for my friend lily so ive gotta get that to her ^^
i dont think im satisfied with my personhood. that phrase sticks out to me. i wanna do more darkroom collages with my pics, but my whole process is in general highly ineffient and requires like three enlargers. i wanna do some huge pieces soon, a1 size or even like 40 inches by 20 inches collages. tons of shit all over. highly meticulous process based stuff as per usual. i need to get off my ass and make my photo website already. i think i was always destined to play drums but my ego got the best of me, not wanting to handle such a position. it is pretty tough, i dont think i could keep rhythm very well. i should maybe stick to just photography.
life is scary. im on the fence about buying new music equipment, on the fence about buying shit in general. i have to get film developed for my new photo class, total pain in the ass. since its color film, ive gotta send it out. i prefer to do that shit myself yknow. thinking to maybe get an oakley kitchen sink bag. itll be my weekend bag. i wanna go to parkmart nyc too, but like when its warmer and i have someone to stay with for the night. id take the bus probably; i dont wanna pay for the train. itz too much. maybe train on the way back; ive had bad bad experiences taking the bus out of nyc. or a bad experience, to be more precise. whatever. i need to buy a pelican case for my mamiya; it doesn't fit in my bags or anything. ive been very inspired as of late by grimes' old album art (geidi primes, inserts for visions, etc.) and i wanna make more large scale illustrations. i drew one recently for a zine im working on with aj. but in general i want to make another zine of just my work; i also want to make it be like 16 pages maybe instead of the zine classic eight pages. but whatever. ill get it sorted. bye now
recorded vocals this morning for a song on the demo. fair warning the actual 1/19 set was pretty noise heavy; im trying to emulate what i did but like. more polished. and the mics i used to record my amp were not the best quality. ha. whatever. i want it to be warmer already so that i can wear fun clothes, all i can wear now is shirt pants... booooo...
seething with murderous intent today. i just found out i basically need to reorganize my whole photo archive on my harddrive and its gonna take forever. in addition to waiting on my bike to get fixed and being frustrated in general with school and my life and not being able to do shit because im hardly ever home is making me so upset today. if someone makes a rude comment at me i dont think i could control myself id probably just snap and scream at them. man hating dyke moment kinda. feeling like when kanaya chopped up eridan or whoever with her chainsaw on the meteor. idc what yall think of my homestuck references. watched but im a cheerleader with bestie aj last night and got really drunk so that was fun. minus the puking. ha. i need a new black dresses album. i desperately want time to record my ep but im busy most evenings and i just do shit all night. a portable set up might be the move, but fuck carrying around any equipment... i think this is just more motivation to switch to ableton and do actual electronic production like ive been wanting to do. i think im gonna buy another pack of cigarettes. i smoked an entire pack of blend n.27s over the weekend. fucked. i went to two shows at least so thats fun. need my bike to get repaired faster.
taking my bike to get fixed today. not as tired as ive been. its raining really bad today. i had two lattes already today-- the first one was really good and the second wasnt so much. theres this guy here with the tiniest jar of jelly/preserves. like that brand that sells the glass jarred preserves with the red gingham lids. theyre my fav. im speaking in very short sentences today apparently. i fell asleep listening to múm last night. sorry if the accent mark doesnt show up in this font. its mum. i wanna make my next album be sort of like mum and everyone asked about you combined. my own little brand of electronic music. im heavily inspired by electronic music, and the equipment fascinates me alot more, so it should come as a shock that i dont have a synth. thinking to get a korg minilogue and a boss re-20 pedal. switching from wanting a re-2 to the re-20. its basically the same thing. fyi.
me and my friend aj made a zine last month, and hes getting more into the habit of making zines. he made like 3 from our last one to now. so that, combined with just finishing pink by kyoko okazaki, have inspired me to do some collage stuff for a zine of mine. meaning = im making a zine. maybe. ive been feeling really bad as of late, super tired and cranky. i only had one class today and work for three hours, and yet i still feel like shit. this must be a period for a trans girl... purrhaps. i still need to do my shot; im a couple days late. i need to buy more hrt, but ive been lazy and dont want to drop $100 on anything right now. still so tired, and i still feel so bad. too bad so sad.
annie annie live debut tonight so exciting!!!!! :) i wanna get into electronic production more, but alot of the equipment has been inaccessible to me for years (mostly bc i dont wanna shill out like $300 per piece of equipment) i still have no idea how midi works i just know you can sync instruments with it. but idk what they mean by sync-- i know u can do bpm and shit but what past that? its weird that i had a hyperfixation on synths and eurorack shit for awhile and even had that teenage engineering one and yet i still dont know about midi lol. maybe someone should buy me a model:cycles and some other cool shit to do cool stuff with... id want to get a polyend tracker and a digitone too. might just try to get ableton to start. idk
my debut live performance is tomorrow!!!! im so excited :3 i no longer have the same anxiety about the performance and being prepared enough as i had earlier, but knowing me itll rush right back to my head seconds before the first note. my friend lily let me borrow her dd-200 pedal which i just decided to use for the live performance in place of my ds-1 bc its just that good, even without an expression pedal. might even delay my purchase of a re-2 and an expression pedal... thankz again lily ^^ i want to get back into the darkroom to make really cool prints, but the darkroom i have at my disposal isnt great and only has a single enlarger. i work in a very inefficent way in the darkroom-- i need a minimum of 2 enlargers, and i usually work with three haha. :p plus id need to buy that expessive ass ilford photo paper... and new film... and actually shoot it... i think id shoot portraits with flash and collage them with different backgrounds and stuff, ideally. i need to bust out the mamiya again; i need a head-up on my competition!!! >:s
parisian girlblogger tea party >< the city is having a real effect on me; im not wearing deodorant. bitches love girls who stink. the tempation to shoplift one of those adorable wallets from cdg is so strong, but i wouldnt want to disappoint the cute gay men who work there. i tried on a couple of blazers and they looked so fucking good; i should get another cdg blazer... ebay and trr have okay prices for them it seems. starting to think i got ripped off at 2nd street when i bought mine from them lol; still worth it i love that blazer. i want to get the raincoats self titled on cd or vinyl... so excited for my live show! i keep saying this but itz so exciting to think about hehe :3 hope all goes well and i become some cool pop star photographer fashion emo girl >:p
i just really hurt my boob from breaking into a quick run :p maybe i should work out lol. i am so nervous for my upcoming live show bc i still need to "finalize" two songs to perform by next friday lol. btw pls come to my show ^^ i hate these little bumps the orthodontist put on my teeth and itz really annoying to schedule an appointment to get them removed :p . i have been listening to a lot more nirvana as of late; call me edgy and emo i guess. rip kurt cobain you would have loved rob zombie and fnaf. my boobs keep getting bigger itz crazy; call me a late bloomer i guess lol. goodnight
instead of vermin supreme they should have girlblog supreme. and i should be the one to receive this title. i was trying to rewatch lost in translation yesterday but i got bored. i know its embarassing to be a grimes fan in 2024 but if you met me in the meat space youd realize i have far more things to be embarassed about than being a fan of a problematic pop star. im basically the second coming of grimes actually-- come to my live show please. maybe ill even do her silly little voice. i have a proposition for the communists!!! ive unfortunately been diagnosed with being emo. very unfortunate circumstances are falling upon this dog now apparently. blehhh
coming out as an internet blogger. whole foods wifi is really bad for torrenting movies apparently. i want to get silent hill for the ps1 but everyone on ebay is really sketchy with their listings, like never even showing the game disc... might just buy direct from buyee if i cant find a good listing; im trying to get a japanese copy since i only have a japanese ps1 and the jpn version has english menus and subtitles apparently. i have to buy a new remote shutter cable / adapter for my new camera since it takes a different input type or whatever. the photos off the camera dont seem to be very high res, but it has a similar amount of megapixels as my last camera. i think itz probably just the screen; im still waiting for my memory card reader to come in for it.
cant wait to do my live show, and to get back to syracuse. catch me if you can. i miss my friends, i miss my clothes, i miss being able to call people without others listening to me, i miss not having to worry about my things getting looked through. i miss my life. im crawing out again, a new woman
i think ive always know that i was different from the people around me. i frequently fantasize about death, power fantasies of gore and of tearing people apart. i think if people are asking whether or not you should ever enact violence on someone no matter what they've done to justify that violence, that reads as me at least thinking differently from others. i think im unfit for society, i cant hardly sit and work without tearing my hair out. i have to stand ha. maybe ill build a big worktable, vent all my frustration into its construction. i hope people think this material is interesting. could i go to an open mic, open my phone, and use this as notes for what to say? would i get booed off stage? boooooo get off the stage you nut!!! hehe. i was programming some drums for my live show; i should practice playing along to those drums / performing the songs in my set more. i just need to write one more song before i have the setlist fully thought out. i havent fully like performed any of the covers im planning to do yet, but i have what i want to do for them mostly plotted out in my head. alot of this stuff is improv anyways, but practice always helps. i shouldnt feel too bad about writing evil things on here; people say crazy shit in their songs all the time but some just dont have the lyrics phase them at all. my shoulder hurts and i have to go to the bathroom, bye now.
save me from a hell ive inherited.
she loves art, and she loves artists, she love ralph lauren, and clothes, and design, and talking about it like she knows about it, and she paints, and thinks her work is all that, and happily talks about and shows me photo books with trans people in them, yet any glimsp of me not being normal, or living some romanticized bohemian-adjacent lifestyle, or even indulging in anything she even remotely dislikes, or being trans, or anything at this point, she becomes a hateful ball of fire. and whenever i talk to her i have to repeat myself five times just for her to not get the idea. i hate living with someone so clueless and self-absorbed, i dont care how nice this memory foam is. at least this stupid mattress will remember all the days and nights i cried because of her, guess the marketing worked.
its hard not to be stuck up at an institution like this filled with shitheads who dont even know how to cross the street or get their heads out of their asses. anyways im learning how to use garageband more; just found out they had automation which makes it alot more usable. also found out they fixed the sample to not sound entirely like shit; last i used it it was nearly unusable due to clipping issues. i might try to get a korg kp-3 for my vocals while performing.
i really want to get a little mini mixer for my live set so that i can control everything at my fingertips. would most likely put my po-33, a mic, and my laptop thru it and do guitar in the traditional way of plugging it into my amp lol. as its meant to be!!! >:p this font is limiting my mode of expression considering i cant :D properly. fucked up. oh also heres the poster for my live performance-- be there or be square lol. i want to get a cat but i will not be able to afford one, at least for a while. plus ill be really busy doing photo shit, hopefully a lot of music stuff too ^^ i should draw more aliens, or read more sci fi novels. ive been on an alien kick for awhile; ive always loved the xenomorphs and i just recently watched alien for the first time and loved it. gonna watch lost in translation tonight me thinkz.
outside of writing lyrics for potential songs, ive been in kind of a writing block. im getting bored with just writing about my life on my site and in my journal; i should try to figure out some more creative writing things... plus trying to think of more things to draw outside of little witch things and stuff. paypal me money for cigarettes, be on the lookout for new music from me, peace
i watched tremors for the first time last night, no longer a virgin lol. i want to watch that new movie poor things; the cinematography shown in the trailers was really compelling, especially with how its shot on kodak 500t im pretty sure. maybe its new chemistry it uses, but no one would use it hardly bc it was so grainy. but it apparently has rave reviews, and won the golden lion, whatever that award is. seems really interesting. i watched pieces of april (2003) yesterday too, its such a sweet and heartfelt film. im doing acid for the second time today, hoping that i dont have another really bad trip haha. one of me and tuna's favorite bands, combat, is performing tonight in syracuse and im going!! welcome combat from one baltimore resident to a couple others ^^
im doing a reread of chainsaw man rn, on like ch 70 now... love chainsaw man omg . it was snowing a ton earlier but it let up for a bit just now. its been weirder / harder to write as of late; theres this big mental block still. i think im doing better than i was, stress and health wise, like two-three weeks ago. i cant wait for the semester to be over, but at the same time i do not want to go back home like at all lol. might try to travel a bit, we'll see. i need to get a new cart i havent had one since this summer. i need my weed. its insane that they let u bring a cart on the plane like not only is it laced with some shit but it looks like it could catch fire at any moment. or maybe that was just my shit from this bootleg store lol.
i need to update the kin list. i am no longer feeling as terrible as i was before, big surprise that a break will do that. lol. so freaked that the slit on the side of my skirt that i made is like super showing today lol, dont know what thats all about someone must have sewed it weirdly or smth lol. combat (the band) is coming to syracuse this weekend im so excited!!! baltimore pride ^^ i fucking hate all my classes im gonna be so happy when this semester is over. ive been wanting to buy more clothes as of late (i caved and got myself shoes during black friday) but i really really need to save my money. but i do need to get like new socks and underwear and thermals. thatll be what i buy next probably. and a polarizing filter for my camera. i visited pittsburgh last week for thanksgiving with my bf and it was really fun, i loved this little neighborhood where attic records was in; it was this valley with these older buildings and winding, tiny roads. i was trying to watch audition (1999) last night but it was getting way too late and the movie was too slow of a burn.
i like to blog at work because it make it look like im coding, or being productive. also i dont want to do school work, especially over break. which sucks because i have an essay due next tuesday (it was basically assigned to us last week) (i just changed what movie im going to talk about in the paper, from good will hunting to the blair witch project, because an essay on a movie's marketing should at least be on a movie with non-traditional or at least interesting marketing) (the only interesting marketing for good will hunting is that elliott smith does a large portion of the soundtrack; you should watch good will hunting im kinda underplaying how good of a movie it is) anyways. i am not a fan of the smiths still but i can at least respect it and enjoy covers of smiths songs. shoutouts to braid they did a really good cover of this charming man. but im still a hater of the smiths at heart. i love the cure. ive been drinking ucc canned coffee more since the asian market by my school stocks it; its pretty good albeit a little expensive. still cheaper than yerba or monster but still. i stole like 4-5 cans of yerba from wegmans the other week and ive never felt better hehe. no more shall i spend $3 on a single can of anything!!! just go to the goodwill next store before and find the motivation. cant believe my blog has gone from silly web design and talking about clothes and cute stuff to endorsing illegal activity such as underage drinking, theft, and purchasing hrt from discord. such abhorrent behavior!!! >:3
woops forgot to write more yesterday. :p i hand-sewed a skirt yesterday out of two button ups i stole from this overpriced thrift store, but i wanna resew it with white thread on a sewing machine (its all black with black threading rn) about to watch the pj harvey tiny desk; i thought it was to be released tomorrow but it came out today ^^ so many good things are releasing today itz crazy!!! (scott pilgrim, danny brown, andre 3000, the works) i want to buy a new pair of boots and a sweater and a dress for myself for christmas. i realized that i should stop buying clothes as much, but i still love just looking at stuff. now i just wanna get a boss re-2 and a whammy pedal and more photo stuff... i need to get a polarizing filter for my lenses, but id be getting a 77mm thread one probably so that it fits my biggest lenses. which means ill have to get a bunch of filter adapters for all my lenses... which like, the alternative is buying a bunch of different sizes of the same filters which is infinitely more annoying but still. all that is kinda annoying, especially when square filters (literally just the glass of the filter, no mounting stuff included) are so much more expensive than just getting a big filter. today is like the last really warm day of the year it seems, a really nice 65 degrees out. too bad its supposed to rain later... after that itz gonna be no biking or anything for me since itll be way way way too cold, like its been for much of this month.
i have a therapy appointment tomorrow. i tried registering for my classes yesterday but i only got a single class; the english department at this school is a complete joke. ill write more in a bit brb
not to romanticise but im a bit in my femcel era. im finding myself being very frustrated and disgruntled with the people around me and my life as of late. i have to make my security deposit soon but im waiting on my paycheck to come through; its going to eat it all up... least im still in uni... i stole a couple of black button up shirts the other day; im planning to make them into a cute, ruffly skirt :3 its so strange watching the people at the dining hall, like people will willingly sit for an hour with their phone right in their face, hunched over, and picking their nose for all to see now. not to sound jaded but phones are killing us-- its the easiest form of advertisement yet seen. i love being sucked into a fucking wormhole for 45 minutes every morning because of my tiktok addiction, its so great being actively unsatisfied yet not having the will to get off and do anything else. i delay brushing my teeth for this fucking crap. no one cares that im the sexiest cowboygirl in the dining hall and it shows; sad. /s
procrastinating about making my portfolio website bc i dont wanna pay for anything rn. can someone get on a discord call with me and teach me how to pirate ableton for mac itz urgent as HELL!!! haha kidding. kinda. i wanna get logic a bit more but i know ill like actually use ableton for electronic. ill be just like arca haha >:3 i hope someone bites my head off this life shit is really annoying. girl blog. hahahahahahahaha . .. i need to buy more white button ups theyre like my fav i love looking like some craazy business woman. also like a short ruffly skirt; ive been wanting one for awhile but ive been more focused on getting important shit. like cigarettes and camera stuff and guitars lol. im gonna try to put out at least a single by the end of the month, very noisy :3
trying to rewatch twin peaks now, it is very silly and funny when it wants to be :3 im trying to get my photo career off the ground rn so im trying to make a website and stuff for it, but itz annoying and complicated... gonna have my site hosted on here probably bc itz the cheapest; already bought a domain but i still need to like make and design my site. i need to make it like super super mobile friendly bc like. who even look at shit on a computer anymore lol. also i got bangs the other day, theyre so cool and emo hehe
i text like a dad sometimes ><
i tried acid on saturday and got put in a twisted evil nightmare pit for like an hour and a half like it was total nuts. i saw a new therapist today and it went oki at least ^^ i wish i had a stove or oven or smth at my place so that i could make pasta and bread and espresso but at least i have my own place now. i wanna try to write a new song and release it by the end of next month. i was listening to the ep i put out the other day and omg its like actually good i forgot i made like actual music that u could listen to lol
nearly had my bike ran over by a bus bc the bike rack on the front didnt hold it properly... my computer crashed right before i started typing this too, very annoying... my class just went on a field trip, it was fun and cute what they had on display ^^ they had a piano from the 1800s with real wooden keys that u could see the wood grain in which was super cool :3 even though i cant play piano; i know where to find middle c and i can barely read sheet music so i use that to navigate hehe. i feel like memorizing the keys on a piano is a lot easier than on a guitar since u arent constantly changing the tuning, like ever actually. im trying to finish watching adventure time soon; im at the start of elements / season 9 right now :3 veery scaryy... got some new pins from my friend too; one of them is jake the dog which i very much enjoy :3 i only put pins on one specific dress of mine, so the whole front of it is like 20% covered now with metal. any creeps and or weirdos who have my discord send me links to where i can buy cute vintage pens please and thank u :3 i decided to just outright buy a new lens on sunday for my camera since i kinda need one, so it should be coming today. i was asked to do an interview on a radio show this sunday which im very excited to do since its about music and stuff ^^
i need to make myself a like professional website for my photography already. i wanna get an actual like website and shit, but i dont wanna have to buy a web address so im probably just gonna make smth on here since a majority of my website views would be thru qr code scanning or business cards. plus i know how to code this shit lol. even though i wouldnt be able to host like super big image files, that just means people cant steal my shit as easily bc itll look like low quality garb when blown up any bigger than a computer screen. thinking to skip all my classes besides the one where i have an exam bc i wanna go to cvs and watch fallen angels at home. also bc we just had our midterms in the classes im planning to skip. i <3 girl blogging
bored in class; our ta is substituting for our professor today... at least im done with classes by 3:30 ^^ i might leave early to get brunch even though i had a banana at home. i forgot to charge my bike battery last night, so im going to charge it during my last class. i impulse-purchased the new vinyl soundtrack for yume nikki that just got released on fangamer; hopefully itz like remastered versions of the songs and stuff. itz like one of my favorite games and one of my favorite soundtracks with an incredible artist, mushbuh, doing the album art. i wish someone would rerelease the cd as well... my thumb and leg still hurt from the car accident. i hung out with my bandmates and did a jam sesh yesterday ^^ even though i kinda sucked it was still fun! unfortunately a string on my telecaster snapped like right after i got home from hanging out. i tried rewatching fallen angels last night, but it was really late and i was getting tired so i gave up on that for the night.
watched chungking express and fallen angels the other day, so good i cant stop thinking about them. might watch fallen angels again tonight lol. i was super super busy working all day and night this weekend and it gets book-ended with me getting into a car accident... so fun... at least now i can start moving to my new apartment on campus starting today. ive gotten so fed up with my roommate that i just needed to leave and be in a single. also idk if i wrote about this recently but i got a telecaster!!! its a 2004 squier with a black body and a matching painted headstock, brass nut, rosewood fretboard, seymour duncan pickups, and an insane electronics setup composing of a volume knob, a filter knob, and three switches that all do different things. it gives me a nice twaggy sound, good for getting a harsh and more grunge-adjacent sound while also being able to get something akin to an american football tone. very cool, very excited about that. i have been spending a lot of money as of late just to get equipment and stuff, a lot on photography and music stuff. i painted my nails last night, but they ended up not looking that good so im gonna repaint them tonight probably. i sold my bass in august, which im not too miffed about since i started getting bored with the sound it was producing, but i still wish i had a bass guitar to play with. theyre such a fun instrument and you can do so much fun stuff with it; i wanna get a pink quier 50s classic vibe p-bass or a black mustang bass with a pearl pickguard.
if you havent yet please watch the newest hazel video please do itz so fucking good. i always love her work and talk about it here but the newest video is especially amazing. i am currently rotting at my moms house which is just. so fun /s. so tired... i wanna go back to school like already lol i miss my friends i miss my guitars... watched blue velvet by david lynch too, very very good movie. ive been very exhausted being here, despite there being nothing to do. i think thats due to uh. outside forces to say. im inspired more and more though to go back to university and actually make shit. tbh though i really just wanna see my friends again :3 lots and lots of people in the world... i did a writing exercise the other day in my notebook that helped a lot. i wish i had my notebooks and things here with me now, at least i have my computer and my website to write on.
this is me btw if you even care...
"this place is one devoid of god, of intellegent life, of good morals and love," a quote from my journal at lunch... yall i think i have my head up my ass idk lol :3 common theme as of late is sneezing a lot it seems. i have to take these classes where theres hundreds of people in the auditorium and the professor just rambles and rambles on and like. thats the one place youd get sick from someone else (at least in my case) like i dont even want to be there... so when the professor has the audacity to just stop the lecture for ten minutes to ramble about how its bad for your brain and that it impeeds on not only your ability to learn but also your peers, it just comes across as being very un-self-aware, of not seeings that yeah. thats the point-- no one wants to take this class. its just fustrating because like i am totally getting sick from the person next to me in that jammed ass space coughing up a lung when i dont even want to be in the same building. idk maybe universities should look into managing their space more efficently. im just annoyed that i have allergies and a potential cold now from some shit philosophy class. anyways i still need to make the cover for my ep... (coming out this friday!!!) my idea originally was to just do a super stylized self-portrait, but i might end up doing a drawing or something. maybe something akin to my posters i made for the release purrhaps... :3 i should have shared the poster design here earlier, but like... i kinda forgot to >,< lol some of the buildings in this place are total nightmare prisons. i should just start writing on here with absolutely no punctuation one day, just to annoy my imaginary readers. thats the thing, i dont know what audience i should have in mind when writing this stuff, its just like stream of conscious writing. because i cant have neocities readers in mind, since they like and read everything and nothing on here. and it cant be my adoring fans of my up-and-coming musical project because they dont exist, and if they did they would obsess and pour over every little bit of mucus i put out onto the big internet tissue. gross. sorry for the gross analogy. i write this for myself i guess, and as long as im having fun itz oki ^-^ oki byeeee gotta get back to my awesome incredible desk job *sunglasses emoticon*
-annie >:3
once again the allergies are kicking my ass... sneezing all the time... i spilled salad dressing on my shirt right before i had to go into work today, super super lame... i should get one of those tide sticks for things like this. i need to get a coffee or something tasty, i only ate at 4:30 today... been writing and thinking about photoshoot ideas for my ep cover; still havent decided what i want the cover to be... been watching old boy too; very good movie ^^ i got boots for super super cheap on saturday; theyre so cute and fit me perfectly >w< ive been reading this article on japanese cellphone culture, its very interesting yall should check it out :3
allergies (im pretty sure) are kicking my ass right now... havent sneezed so much in my life, or at least since like... like 4 months ago lol >,< currently at work, doing fuck all outside of girlblogging and reading and journaling :3 the tip of my left ring finger has a crazy callous on it from how much ive been SHREADING on my guitar as of late >:3 i was even practicing for a bit before i came into work today! so talented and cool ^^ as of late i have not been writing fairly much... i still do it at least once a day, but i have hardly been filling pages as i once had... sometimes id write like 3 whole pages in a sitting, but these past couple days itz been a bit under half a page... whateves, ill write more here so itz whatever :3
today is my birthday yayyyyy!!!! :D i have been writing alot in my midori md codex today, did like 5 pages today :3 (stickers are by kelly ficarra please look at her stuff, she has a new sticker pack for sale as of tonight too :3) i didnt expect to use it in the way that i am, but it actually works out really well. its more of a like sketchbook scrap book thing that i can put whatever in. i had an issue with my journal before because i felt like it was specifically for my type of journaling-- just retelling my emotions and actions and events for a particular day-- and nothing else. with the codex i feel like i can put whatever i want in it; i already have a receipt taped in. speaking of that receipt, i went to soundgarden again today and spend an irresponsible amount on cds and one particular vinyl, which i will elaborate on in the music post for today. not sure if i disclosed this yet or not but i am currently at work-- the classic 5 to 9 closing shift for me :3 very chill and relaxing today, besides this morning where i was feeling kinda icky since i only got like 5 hours of sleep lol. stomach has been acting up though... hopefully all is well for you all too ^^ many thanks for reading :3
-annie <3
sitting in a fucking starbucks drinking a pumpkin spice latte with my elliott smith t shirt and coding and blogging being a dyke fag thing. fuck. ive gotten like 3 compliments on this shirt today too. i have to go to work like now so ill write a bit more later. bye. :3
oki im back ^^ ive felt so super clumsy today itz crazy... like literally nearly having all my stuff spill out of my bag, being very wobbly on my bike, etc. you know the drill clumsy ditzy girls. i couldnt hardly fall asleep last night because it was so hot... this week is apparently going to be this hot the entire time; cant wait for it to be like 60s... at least i dont have to wear a big ass jacket whenever i wanna go out, with having this new super fast bike and all... i think being good on aux is a respectable thing to put on your resume, because some people deserve to be receptionists more than others. thats why trans femmes arent good for this job-- we have good music taste but we cannot be on aux. and we all have social ineptitude of some sort. except me because im the best at everything i do. obviously. lol anyways journaling at work is fun. they recently added to our rule guide that we cannot wear headphones; this was a like an unspoken rule before but now its written so i feel bad wearing my huge ass sonys at the desk. at least a majority of my shifts are really slow closing shifts on weekends where im the only other person in the space, so ill be exercising my right as a Fucking Patriot then. i recently just ordered a lot of writing / note taking supplies so im excited to get those in. got the afformationed midori md codex notebook, in addition to this clip folder in pink and a 2 inch binder. they had fingerbib by aphex playing here at work before i got in, cray cray. oki thats it for now me thinkz byeeee :3
birthday month for annie!!! :3 my guitar strings on my acoustic keep breaking >:[ it was literally like while i was trying to tune it from open d to open a after driving up to school that one of them broke... so i ended up getting a new set of string, restrung the guitar, and everything was fine until i wanted to get it to open a again, which is when a string broke again... now i dont even wanna get new strings lol i was so fucking mad >,< im gonna order a squier 12 string jazzmaster for my birthday on my birthday, so im hoping to wait on getting new guitar stuff until then since ill want to get new pickguards and locking strap pegs and new cables and shit... blehhh >< i wanna get some midori md stuff but itz really expensive and only works well with a couple of my pens; i ended up ordering a ruled a6 midori md notebook though from amazon since it was under $10 and ive been needing a notebook for classes. i was looking at the 1 day 1 page codex and its cray cray >w< the exposed spine and the super subtle mint green on the dotted paper version are some of my fav details on it; i would totally buy one for my next journal, but ive already got a new journal for when i run out of pages in my current one. probably gonna be getting one next year then, if i dont end up getting sick of the new one i got. my new bike is treating me quite well on campus; i dont have to use the bus at all now!! itz so fast too, i go like 30 mph on it >w< only problem with it is that the charger is super clunky, so charging it anywhere besides my house is a bit of a pain. especially if i need to take the battery out of the bike...
finally moved in to school! well i did on thursday but still >,< dude why do i always get paired with faggy boys from nyc when i choose a random roommate this is horrific... like i am the biggest victim of the sassy mandemic. anyways im going to a goth rave tonight so thats exciting ^^ last night me and a couple friends got together and made sangria it was totes yummers >w< especially the fruit, the blueberries were really good :3 i lowkey wanna bike to the record store but i need to like do some shit first like get more energy drinks and stuff... also i shouldnt be getting any new cds or vinyl rn thatd be crazy >< i need to get a little cd boombox for my dorm though, ive been meaning to get one for awhile... i brought like about 60-70 cds with me from home and like 8 books so its a bit limited for my standards rofl; last year i brought all my books and cds and it was such a huge pain in the ass... i love having my amp here though; it doubles as a bedside table lol
still at my grandparents place with my extended family... soooo much fun /s ... anyways i want a social page where i can have my social medias and stuff and display other people's buttons and stuff but i dont have access to my adobe stuff rn bc my uni is stupid so ill just link the page here when its ready and then make a clickable gif on the homepage when thats ready too :3 like id have them on my boot page if i didnt think itd clutter it but having a ton of tiny images thatre all different colors moving that throw u every which way on sites really overwhelms me so id like for that sort of additude to me reflected in my site... i say that as if my backgrounds arent the most overstimmulating thing on the planet lol :3 ive really been wanting to get the jazzmaster i mentioned in my last music blog post since now i dont have to buy something ive been saving up for (i have my dad buying it now as my birthday gift yipeeee) (just about the only thing hes done positive in the last year...) i cant wait to decorate all my stuff in stickers and whatnot once i move up for uni :3 (i dont like putting stickers on things that my mom can see because shell berate me for them and constantly question them and shit...) im like 95% sure i have autism of some sort, just uh wanted to throw that out there lol... in case you all couldnt have guess lol. oki but like i use a lot of terms that like only neurodivergent people actually care to use like stim and neurotypical and neurodivergent and whatnot; i feel like my utilization of those terms could lead people to immediately lable me as neurodivergent without like actually getting a read on my character or reading what im actually talking about if u know what i mean. i also have absolutely awful memory and it frequently causes me problems, but that can stem from a whole ton of things so idk what that could mean. im worried about persuing therapy because 1. its expensive and will be even more expensive once im on my own with (assumidly) limited insurance / limited insurance coverage and 2. if it ends up making me institutionalized because like. i dont think i have anything or will say anything thatll get me in the doghouse (ha) but who knows what a therapist will say or do or recommend. like what if they prescribe me some mood stablizer and i become just a shell for a couple months as my body adjusts... idk... i wanna move to portland eventually; cities have always allured me because of the types of movies and media i was always drawn to. like those movies like possession and trainspotting where almost some unknowable force draws a character through some big new alive place. good will hunting too but to a different extent / vibe. i need to watch more movies... i didnt bring my journal to my grandparents in fear that someone will find it, not like theres much to report on outside of my spiraling thoughts, but like... i can just blog or tweet 90% of that stuff. that 10% that i shouldnt share gets forgotten in 5 minutes aways... la la la la... >:3 my apologies to the people on insta and discord clicking this link for the first time and reading all this immediately lol. shoutouts to my returning blog readers lol >w< i probably know yall already but still i dont have a direct line of communication to readers of this blog, so unless someone tells me i just have to assume lol. i think thats enough for now; i was planning to sneak a few beers later tonight so well see how future potentially tipsy annie is feeling lol :3
-annie <3
i was in the middle of writing an update last week but my computer crashed and deleted what i was writing so unfortunately we dont have it anymore... im with my extended family right now and i dont really like them since transphobic + im not able to be out at all around them + they are weird in general... sleepy and tired in general right now, wish i could be back in that big lonely house... also my ceiling has collapsed twice already since the previous update ^^ very very fun!!! this is sarcasm its actually awful. ive been experiencing frequent back pain from my job so thats not fun; hoping it goes away fairly soon since my last week there is next week. i recently got a cute pair of like cutoff overalls from patagonia that im getting delivered to my bf's place, ill get to see him again as soon as i move back up to new york for uni im so excited :3 blood stains already coat the white sheets here from me... im really bad with my bug bites. i also bought some posters / art prints for my dorm recently, very excited about those too :3 my dorm is gonna be so sick; i only have one roommate but they have me in like a 2 bedroom apartment!!! :D im a roman candle.... i need to get a cute baggy black turtle neck or just a black sweater in general. ive been going for all black recently. i had to sell my burberry trench coat i bought last year because my mom is transphobic, so in response im using the money from it to buy a new one but in black. i got one off therealreal the other day; its made out of wool and is all black so itll be purrfect for the fall and winter :3 very happy about it because id wear my old trench all the time even if its green color didnt match with what i was wearing. im gonna update the other pages today since ive been reading a bit more and have been recording songs. tootles!!!!! >w<
-annie <3
im trying to post and these sluts keep making me laugh!! feck!!!!!!
i wrote that part at like 2 am today and now im writing this part at 9pm. i was far too high to continue writing past that previous part lol. anyways. hi hi annie here i think im gonna update the music tab soon ish with a new topster as i have been listening to a ton more music since my last one in february. i have been quite busy with work as of late but i wanna try to get back into updating every few days or so. ive been bad at even updating my journal as of late, im like 3 days behind on it... i need to buy a new one from moleskin fairly soon since im almost out of pages on my current one. im thinking either to buy a standard or an expanded one, with either soft or hard covers for my next one. considering the expanded for more pages, while im considering the normal page count one for the fact that i think itll get super beat up if im using it for longer than a year. im considering a soft cover bc thats what the current one is and i like the feel of it, while im considering a hard cover one so that i can put stickers and such on the cover. also i want to maybe paint the cover, similar to this. also, i had my photo shop license revoked for the summer because my uni is fucking stupid. i might have to install gimp or smth because now i cant resize images or make new assets for the website. um i believe that is all for right now, good bye robert smith!
-annie
eeerrrmmmm uhh hi again ^^ my apologies for the large delay in between updates >,< anyways ive just been working a ton for the past couple of weeks, but today and tomorrow im back in baltimore hanging with friends :3 i look so freaky though, i have been just wearing all black and a blazer / suit jacket the past day in the 90 degree heat lol. been super smoggy too, its not all from the wildfires either which is weird. i need to get gas... i have a date in an hour so i should probably leave this coffee shop soon lol. i wish there were like cute stores or anything in baltimore but there arent... i have a parking ticket that i got in nyc that i still need to pay but its like $115 and i dont feel like paying it bc like what are they gonna do its in new york... i should maybe get a coffee here. i just realized i kinda have like insane sleeping abilities. like i went to bed at like 2am and got up bright and early on my own at 7am while my friend zonked out at like 1 and didnt get up until 9 and sleeping thru a couple alarms... like thats normal for most people im just crazy and dont need a normal amount of sleep or nutrients or anything to stay alive. i photosynthesize to keep alive tbh :3 my bug bites r insane rn bc i work in the middle of the woods and the bug literally attack me. like i already have sensory issues so having little creatures constantly touching me and stinging me drives me up the wall. bug spray doesnt even work anymore. also i finished watching the twin peaks original tv series! now i just need to watch fire walk with me and the other sequels ^^ anyways uh i think thats all from me; i went to this coffee shop to ask my uni about my housing situation but their website is down so what am i even supposed to do then. whateves maybe theyre finally getting my housing for next semester secured... oki byeeee :3c
-annie <3
sooooo ive been gone for a bit... womp womp sorry >,< anyways ive been working a lot and doing. lot of driving and stuff, nothing too crazy. tomorrow the cure plays in dc and im so mad i cant go bc 1. tix r like $250 and 2. i have work. at least i have a date on monday hehe :3c edible hit now fuck. hi its high annie reporting for duty. im already getting distracted really easily fuck... i wish i had ice cream >,< anyways uh i was watching twin peaks again today i really need to watch it more and actually finish season two. i put my smoothie in the freezer by accient yesterday so when i came back from my shift it was rock solid i was pissed. i also had my car key fall in a river... AGENT COOPER IS SO CUTE!!! hehehehe :3 im a furry... im hoping to take the train soon to nyc, but what ever would i wear... probably all black lol
im dying im dying im dying im ddead... blehhhhh uve killed me... i sit in the car and drive and imagine a bunch of music video ideas. i need to get either a glockenspiel or a model:cycles soon. probably a glockenspiel first; i bet i can get one with a built-in pickup... its almost 2pm and i havent eaten yet today outside of having coffee. which isnt eating. i feel like my body is completely giving out at times; im still recovering from pneumonia and my cough is disgusting, my arms and legs are covered in bruises and sunburns and blisters, my body hair is growing back from not being on hrt, my face feels so itchy that i want to peel it off, along with slightly more disgusting details that ill spare you all from... im in such a fucking loser era right now all i do is sit on my computer and go to my job and i hate my parents like get real jfc. i so desperately want to move away from it all... annie fleeing to new york state era approaching steadily... im growing more and more into a delusion that im going to be the next grimes and that im going to keep betraying the ones im closest to over and over and over whilst constantly remaking myself and never being the same person year after year. just some fake character who constantly gets a redesign by different art directors, a little puppet who keeps playing new roles. and itll be all my fault. teehee so silly of me to think like that hahahahahahaha :3c i wonder how hard it is to move to canada bc like i wanna go there but im too dumb to actually look into an immigration process. plus thatd be really expensive and stupid like why would i not want to be an american girl #usa lol. in a year my entire wardrobe is probably going to be all black, white, and red. my life is a weatherday song given pathetic little fur
i love to disassociate and girl blog. the weed is giving me the worst brainfog, like a psuedo headache more than anything. ive been pretty lonely the past couple days; its just been going to work and texting and nothing much else... i cant play much guitar rn because i accidentally gave myself a blister on my thumb from strumming too hard on the guitar while hand picking... like a big bubble on my thumb and everything. also turns out i have mildew growing in my room... shit seems to just get worse and worse for little ol annie... i cant wait to go back to uni, i miss my silly friends and living on my own... >,< im trying to save up for an electric bike so that im actually able to get around more when i go back to uni. ive been listening to so much ada rook as of late, shes so inspiring i love her stuff :3 been listening to 920london so much; i want to reread the actual comic again now... im trying to figure out budgeting and saving up my money to move out more and more, but im super overwhelmed thinking of the possibility of being forever being on my own... like i could just nose dive into an abyss if im stupid and not careful or if im not lucky... i use ellipsis too much in this post lol :3c idk im hopeful that shit will work out for me and that its just my solitude and dysphoria getting the best of my thoughts since i have to be super closeted while im home from uni, especially bc ive been off hrt for about 2 months... hopefully ill be able to get back on it around next week but im still not sure... >,< annie is sad but trying to stay hopeful thru it all, bye bye now
black midi yesterday was so incredible holy shit... hung out with worlds tastiest tuna too we went to the show together ^^ i got a major blister on my right thumb from hand picking on my guitar too hard while recording a demo >,< ill need to rerecord it when i have my actual equipment with me bc i had to record it thru my laptop microphone 0_0 well id have to rerecord it anyways since i literally just came up with lyrics on the spot lol... i do that alot on my demos and tbh it works like 50% of the time lol. ive been listening to a ton of ada rook recently shes very inspiring to me :3 also its fucking cray cray that shes 34 like wtf shes ageless. i need to get tf back on hrt bc i just saw pics this girl posted and she suddenly just had the most awesome hips ever which means ill probably get even better hips than i already have if i get my shit together lol. my main issue is that ill have to replace my needles and syringes with slip tip ones bc finding an auto injector that works with luer lock shit is seemingly impossible. funny note, a lot of these auto injectors are advertised as being for injecting dogs with insulin which i find funny bc uhh im the dog with a blog and i need my funny dog device :3 i need to read books more but getting high and watching full jerma streams after work is a lot easier and more fun... i need to write more ive been bad recently about journaling consistently... stomie hurts after only having fried dough from work and faye yogurt for dinner... >,< my fault for having no appetite for anything ever ig lol :p ive also been into a lot of early grimes stuff; i watched this documentary about her from 2010 where she was taking an astrology exam at whatever uni she went to? idk i think i just want to be canadian at this point lol. like i wanna live my kim pine from scott pilgrim fantasy and move to canada and be a cute babe who plays music and has peculiar transgender sex and smokes weed and is a furry lol :3 my life in a nutshell!!!
i stalk dead people. i already have a pair of those apple vr goggles and ive been living in the virtual reality for a couple weeks. help. help. help im stuck!!! lol anyways uhh i need to kinda not eat the edibles i have bc they make my brain harden and they make me super hung over... like i cant wake up before 9am after taking one of those and my eyes are super puffy and my face is all gross and sleepy and stuff... weed is evil and will kill u. lol. anyways im going to the black midi show in dc tonight with tuna fish its gonna be so fun!!!! yayyyy yipee i wanna buy a coffee and shit... like some starbies or like some boba. if yall go to kung fu tea never order boba with coffee in it that shit is absolutely fucking disgusting. i got it the first time i went to kung fu tea bc they didnt have my usual earl grey milk tea and i wanted to stay up for awhile so i fucking got a coffee milk tea with pearls at like 9:45pm there. absolutely disgusting always get a matcha milk tea from kung fu i love matcha shit. i could use a munch a bite even
poo brain... i got off work a little bit ago so now so now im just hanging in discord and shit... i havent hardly eaten today but like its chill bc i munched on some caloric-dense dough so im being fueled :3 tomorrow morning im gonna get coffee and breakfast at this cute little place >w< i heart girlblogging sooo much hehehehe its like all i do i love just playing writer. i could be the gen z fran lebovitz if i care enough to actually write and have an informed opinion but id rather take my pretty pictures and play on my iphone and be puppy-brained ehehe x3c ive been really furry pilled as of late like im such a little dork and a little puppy its awesome :3c im hopefully going to see black midi with tuna fish friend next week but theres a slight chance i wont be able to bc i have work the next day... complicated situation but basically im like 3 hours from where i was for a "new" job? idk its personal business and i dont really understand it myself either lol so i wont try to explain... i want the new discord update with the usernames to finally go thru for me but its not working for me yet... i need to get kafkaesquepuppygirl as my username!!!!!!! its my destiny!! um im gonna grab my weed out of my car now i think ok brb... didnt get weed but uhhh omg der hund ist kaput... i cant think right still blehh i figured u out is one of elliott smith's most underrated songs its so fucking good and no one talks about bc it only recently got released thru that expanded version of either/or... ive been listening to wish by the cure a lot too, plus a lot more american football and midwest emo in general hehe :3c i was two stepping to honestly? earlier lol >w< i wish i actually brought a book or my guitar here... i had my acoustic packed in its bag and everything but i was just like ehh ill be fine... >,< sucks af.. i should take more selfies on my macbook camera they always turn out really cute for some reason hehe :3c
-annie <3
i love sitting in discord calls with face cam on smoking the evil dink... anyways hi hello everypony :3 i heart coding so hard hehe :3 i tried watching my private idaho again and like i couldnt get thru it like i know its more of a character study but im still seriously not into it... rather watch twin peaks; my progress came to a quick halt once i hit season 2 episode 10 like i was stopping every two minutes bc i was kinda getting bored.... zaza brain rn omg... i took a bit of a elliott smith break for like a week or 2? idk it was an unconsious effort it just kinda happened? well not a complete break like only like 3 songs a day but still. like i listen to like two albums worth of elliott songs every day like its crazy. not even an active like obsession or anything its just really good music to play whenever. dude i love the cure now omg ive been listening to wish sooo much recently its so good omg... my weed stinky hehe x3c im a bit of a stinker... >,<
my most sincerest apologies for the lack of updates lol :3c but no really i have a lot of fun doing these and they keep me writing even if its kinda mindless lol. its my cute little coder game! hehe :3 i know some of yall wouldnt quite understand this but i just hit my weed pen for the first time since i got back home from uni (ive exclusively been using my really shitty disposable that has the most disgusting resin leaks coming from the mouth-piece) was like a fresh breath of air. i took two tiny hits and like immediately all my anxiety vanished. weed is so fucking stupid why is one absolutely magical and the other is like really disgustingly sweet cough-syrup-like beverage that makes you numb to it all... umm last night annie had to go to the hospital bc she was experiencing terrible terrible pain in her lung! turns out its a one-two (yes i know i should use "an" but like say "an one" in your head. like it doesnt sound right. get real. anyways) pussy punch of pleurisy and pneumonia! (i did it for the alliteration- sue me) (yes i did have to google the correct spelling for those three big girl words!) its about as horrible as it sounds. at least they gave me antibiotics that immediately made my symptoms a million times more manageable. ive been loosing my appetite a ton over the last 1-2 weeks. a similar thing happened to me during covid... i had some of the worst anxiety ever and i developed some really bad disordered eating when i would straight up just only eat apples and sometimes peanut butter. its very stressful with my living situation in general but its been getting a lot harder for me to handle, especially with my recent health issues. im okay though; im 98% sure that this will immediately resolve once i move back to uni in late august. today i mostly slept and recovered from all that shit... i had half a sandwich, the other half is in the fridge right now and i really want it... lol hehe :3c dudeee this weeed is absolutely hogging right now oh my goodness hehehehehehehe :3c jfc i really am just like roxy lalonde from homestuck... my friend is reading homestuck; that makes like... 3 and a half friends who are into homestuck lol. i say half because he knows a ton about homestuck but his knowledge of it was purely gained passively as a tumblr user. and because hes short lol hehe :3c teasing is like my all time favorite passtime right behind talking and listening to music. its like a three way tie at the very tippy top but if u haaad to order them thats how it would go. no you guys, sex and abusing substances isnt everything!! be safe, have self control, dont hurt others (yknow unless thats their thing hehe >;3), and have fun! like okay i say that and know its cringe but seriously i think its better that someone who doesnt know any better hears this from some 19 year old chick than from some fucking poster or a teacher they hate or something. stay cool, and rock on!!!! EXTREME!!!! idk im trying to imitate how like my 35 year old jaded as hell teachers in mein kindergarten would try to imitate their teachers from the late 80s or whatever trying to imitate pop culture of that time but then coming off so jaded. so like a double whammy of jaded-ness. sorry if i sound like a stuck up fucking loser when i say that lol hehe. im probably over thinking this and need to move on...... woopsie!! >:P /silly hehehe thats my new tone indicator i use it on discord sometimes when i need to be like hey think this in like a silly tone or smth yknow? i guess thats like exactly what a tone indicator is supposed to do... theres a fly in my paper lantern its so annoying... this is like season 3 episode 10 of breaking bad entitled "fly" in which walter and jesse attempt to kill a fly that has invaded the underground lab. yes i did just pull that off the dome. no i have not watched all of breaking bad in over a year and even then i hardly ever engage with it and ive only seen it once. yes better call saul is like a top 3 tv show for me. IM NORMAL OKAY???? sooo normal omg im literally so normal right now :3 woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof hehehehehehe my thumb really hurts like as if i slammed the nail into a door but i never like hurt it or anything so idk whats up... okay i should probably wrap this up considering were getting quite close it having another mothers day... okay good night ty for reading this far omggg byeeeeeee :3
apologies for the lack of updates... i got a job and its ass and i hate it so much. i love being so overstimmed that listening to deftones in my car after my shift feels like a bump of coke. um im writing this at 1:55am, so when i say "today i did __" thats referring to yesterday technically. so anyways today i went to the coffee shop and on the way to the coffee shop i say some cutie walking on the sidewalk... it sucks bc i couldnt like say anything to them since i was driving. womp womp cant pick up gender ambiguous cuties off the side of the road awwww too bad baby lol. anyways tomorrow, so i guess today, im driving to dc to hang out with my friend and to go to museums and stuff ^_^ yipeeee so excited and its gonna rain too so im gonna be wearing my silly ass rainy day outfit yayayayay hehehehe :3 smoking a bit rn, i was so physically damaged from my anxiety today it was crazy. i also recorded a song so thats fun >w< anyways i think thats all for today, good night or good morning to all u out there!! :3
sorry the updates are slowing down a bit im depressed and being especially gay lol :3 anyways i made a kinlist lol. thinking to sell my bass but shipping online sounds really annoying... might just throw it on reverb for local pickup idk. im the trans equivalent of joan of arc if she was jobless and smoked weed. speaking of weed i tend to loose / misplace my pen constantly so i get really worried that like my mom or someone found it lol. really evil stuff
job search is going miserably; why do businesses post job listings and then dont bother actually even contacting you or saying anything in regards to the application? like yeah let me show my interest in your lousy piece of shit receptionist job further by emailing you everyday asking when id hear back. fuck businesses and fuck money... anyways i bough cure vinyl yesterday yipeee ^_^ lol anyways i need to get better at journaling. sure nothing much is happening like day to day in my life but still, i should be writing like everyday and right now my output is like every other day or so... >,<
high annie. hi!! lol :3 cinnamon apple jam is so delicious omg. it sounds like something from adventure time. "p bubs, i love u more than like, cinnamon apple jam," idk i havent watched the show in like a decade. i make a pbj with the jam its so good... i thrive in a 9th circle of hell all my own. mwah hwa hwa!!! >:3: aaaand tweet! im imagining they say somethink akin to that on a disney channel show, pls let that be real. shoutouts to my "emooo guitar" playlist with the radiohead and weezer... i think i ought to go to bed...
annie get a job challenge (impossible, apparently) like i sent like a dozen job apps last week and the only one ive heard back from is still processing my application... sent something to barnes and nobles too and im hoping that one works out bc i like books and im a bit overqualified :3 been very antxy and frustrated recently bc of my home life... been weighing my options in terms of moving out while still being in college and its not looking incredible... im trying to save for an electric bike as i said in the previous post, but like seriously its so much better than having a car in my case. i wouldnt need insurance or a new license for it, its affordable and will last me, and it can get me all over whichever city i need to live in. one of my concerns is if my uni will recognize me as a local resident and an independent if i move into a friends place, bc if they dont recognize even one of them itll mean i need to get a ton more in loans, which i dont even know if i can get at this current time... at least i do my hrt thru diy and have no medical expenses, bc health insurance is kinda optional for me as long as im super careful... i still want to get health insurance though lol. worried too about managing a phone bill, the large potential of having a full time job while at uni, etc... >,< not everything is peaches here unfortunately... my apologies i shouldnt be just openly venting like this on my blog of all places but annie is not having a great time and needs to express it in a more immediate way...
i didnt really fuck with mothers day last year either but im officially saying fuck mothers day, and fuck fathers day too especially!! (its mothers day) guys could u guess that i have parent issues lol :3 i forget who actually reads my blog that i like talk to, so idk what slightly embarassing shit that im posting will get dragged up in conversation later... its kinda funny though bc itll only be stuff about my special interests and shit lol. i should probably make like, an easier way of accessing all of my posts... like have a little archive button and it shows years and then months? idk maybe... i dont have that many posts yet, and i kinda designed it in a way to slightly discourage scrolling back bc like. who cares about some shit i said last year just read the current shit! my lore is not important to get caught up with this arch! but uh for anyone wondering we just left the college freshman arch and were in the 4 months of dog day summer arch. fun fact: i fucking hate the heat, and especially humidity. my ex gf would make it a habbit to have her window ac unit on 24/7/365; i wish i had that luxury... i guess i do now; my mother out of the blue gave up on ever getting my ac fixed (we moved into this house a couple years ago, the ac is beyond bizzare and from the 60s so its needed extensive repair to have it function at all... idk i hardly have lived her since my family moved in) she bought a stand-alone unit for my room. she said if she ever has the actual ac fixed, then she'll just put my stand alone in the kitchen. very resourceful! i foreshadowed earlier in my music post that id be brooding, considering the context of the start of the current arch... im joking about having actual archs its just a bit for this post. jfc how much of a fucking narcissist do u have to be to keep track of your memories within the contexts of archs and teach people about ur archs instead of just telling ur stories and shit. weird tangent woopsie... fun facts? ex? actual ui??? whatevs... jfc if i ever become famous/well-known enough to have people scour this whole blog for lore and shit to make fun of me for then my critics and writers and shit will have so much shit to document. in addition to like whatever private journals ill have my estate release upon my death. or smth. i havent thought about that type of shit since i was like 11. i was trying to rationalize my death / goal in life by saying that it was to document everything when i could and have a like deathproof harddrive full of my entire life's work and all my memories and shit. so like basically everything writing wise has a date, all my non-digital photos have dates and occassionally times somewhere on them, etc. so its weird now to think about it bc my new kinda goal in life sorta is just to have fun and be silly. and listen to a lot of music. i really adore music omg. i watched were all going to the worlds fair up to like 25 minutes in a year ago so i decided to finish it tonight, its a nice little film! i just wish it had a bit more wiggle room budget wise to do the things the director really wanted to do... alex g was really good on the score as well. i need some alex g albums physically... its so weird to think about stigmas that tons of cultures have around weed still, or how super illegal it used to be 20 years ago. now they feed cbd oils to little kids here lol, cray cray. may have imagined seeing that somewhere though, take the "child eats cbd" statement with a bit of salt. damn i love to just type huh. if i could, id journal into a website that only i have access to. like wouldnt that be so cool? all the benefits of customization that comes with both making a website and of drawing on paper, with the addition to just type everything instead of having to write it all out! i would miss my fountain pen, however... read about my fountain pen more here lol, scroll to april 27, 2023. my weed pen feels so gross and sticky; its been in my bag for awhile so i should like definitely wash it lol. eww theres resin leaking from the tip... eww that sounds reaaally gross out of context..... icky icky... radiohead is so good omg. sorry im getting high and side-tracked-- "save it for the music page annie," cries yall from beyond the screen, at yall's screens. hi yall! i got weed oil all over my lips, hopefully i dont get toasted off of that oil sticky... erm i should probably skip the how to disappear completely on my playlist before i disassociate... okay so i didnt disassociate but i literally was just a corpse when listening to it. just an absolutely lifeless, defeated pose. lol. simulation swarm just came on shit... i love big thief lol. this is like live-tweeting my life. DUDE journaling is literally like live-tweeting. or in the grand sense of things its like live tweeting. idk if yall know this but annie fun fact #2 for this post is that ive been using twitter since i was 9. for reference it was 2012 and i would tweet pictures of my food and i would follow angry birds accounts. lol i kinda wish this font had uppercase bc my use of it is very conservative, so it kinda sticks out. this is sooooo roxy lalonde behavior rn. i have to get up at 8:30 for a doctors appointment and im up at near 2am "coding." i say coding as if im not just doodling into a dialogue box. idk its more fitting to call this type of writing doodling, its like drawing little hearts and stars all over ur paper handout ur professor just gave u. didnt know u have to like actually become a professor, i thought it was just a nice thing to call ur teachers when u were in college. like a cultural thing more than an actual academic thing. that shit has gotta be hard to get certified for... unless its just like ur masters or smth. masters is hard sure but like to become a professor offically like thats gotta stump many. drink water yall if u get really high and or drunk or in general. but especially while under the influence; u dont wanna be feeling like shit right before visiting the doctors. no they are not testing me for weed or smth. OMG 16 mirrors more lyrics. this is a piece of something something working thru my hair. this song is so cray cray that i notice new things about it only when im high. if u didnt catch it the song is 16 mirrors, its by alex g. same guy from eariler in the post if u were curious. jfc i just realized how gloomy self titled by elliott smith is, especially compared to either/or. in its instrementation too, self titled is just like really gloomy. i need more elliott vinyl. an interviewer would eat this up if i was talking all this much and that i was famous. idk why i kinda want to be famous when it just sucks all around. listening to half right live by elliott smith off of the deluxe version of self titled, i love how much emotion he carries in his singing in this version. bugs and shit in my tall lamp; its my favorite and its becoming my night light a bit. i keep seeing bugs flying around it out of the corner of my eye, but when i look at the lamp theres no bugs... im paying attention and its actually my hair flying in the wind of my fan, and my brain is just playing tricks rn. jfc my twitter is insane. like i used to never use it bc my feed was absolute dogshit, but over the past couple of months its just been giving me the most unhinged trans people tweeting the horniest fucking jokes ever and just like the greatest drawings ever known ever. like its just for jokes and laughs and being a museum. mega twitter user loser --> annie. womp womp. OKAY craziest fucking mini rabbit hole i just went on. i was gonna link the og womp womp video to the initial womp womp but while i was trying to find the video i came across this gem of a highlight reel. like this is pure gold holy fuck. i might just be high but jfc that video is so fucking funny. haha dude those animals are so fucking funny im gonna merge into oncoming traffic without looking. family guy reference. okay yall this is what im talking about these were back to backon my twitter feed. anyways isnt it weird that a trending sound off tiktok rn is that time in akira where tetsuo has the little grandma kids psychic blasting him and tetsuo just crumbling to the ground in pain? like isnt that kinda weird and like? the last thing thatd be trending??? like some weird ass psychological horror anime clip from 1989? anyways i should probably stop writing LOL. erm watch perfect blue if u havent, and reading the source code of my site like i do makes these entries a bit funnier bc of how i name shit within the index. anyways byeee you dont owe ur mom anything if shes abusiveeee lol okay bye fr :3
im so glad im not infected by reddit or 4chan omg. its a twitter thing idk. i think milf era me would giggle reading this so i write it for her. im very high, so im listening to crystal castles and watching the vinny stream of museum of everything goes. seriously in my crazy insane neet girl era. okay i say im not infected by 4chan and reddit yet i have a pretty good background knowledge of chris chan, used to listen to 4chan greentexts all the time instead of like a podcast, and like loads of super unattractive shit that i shouldnt be putting on my blog. woopsie ive accidentally stopped journaling physically so now im coding and keeping my site up to date. if i was using archlixus rn id be so much cooler in the goofy nerd rhelm but unfortunantly i want to use adobe products well so i use a mac... womp womp i know yall exp3cted better from based and red pilled puppygirl annie. im not infested with the 4chan heeby geebies or the reddit cooties i just have a disgustingly large knowledge relating to the internet. i would call eating, sleeping a hobby and the internet my life /j pls im not that pathetic. i am getting to that point though... my life is in cycles --> 1 talk with stoner on lex 2 get weed 3 crawl into my room for the last time 4 repeat okay maybe im a loser except i literally made that up bc i have a social life and get my weed from a store so. im so cool B) <-- sunglasses i am invincible in these sunglasses... cars going beep beep... rofl byeeeeee :3
-annie <3 watch tremors lol
6pm update: wtf was i on last night jfc. anyways i need a trans masc baddie rn to match my trans femme swag. anyways i cant wait to leave my family and be a cowboy in like a metaphorical sense. the cowboygirl part. im the physical manifestation of female rage basically. can we get a female prisoner 701 kill bill type beat but its a transfemme fighting to get out of an abusive situation and to get her like idk hrt or smth. but it might come off as some trans medicalist bullshit so ud need to be careful to not like write it like that. my mother is currently embarassing herself playing meatloaf bc shes off two gin and tonics but i dont care bc shes a bigot so... i wonder if i scare people enough away with my blog posts that only the real freaks and demons would ever want to talk with me
blah blah i am crazy!!! :3 okay i dont like exposing my personal life on her too much bc its like. yall are a bunch of internet people and this is my business. even though like yall could not care less if i talk about my shit. anyways. my family is severely against being trans so im just gonna say fuck it and go "stealth" for like the next couple of years until im independent af. so basically the plan is girlie pop is going to become trans masc. like thats the only way i can cope with it i guess like yeah im a boy. boy toy af. like im just silly and genderless and dress like jessie pinkman. hes my idol. af. but thats only irl around basically everyone except when im with the homies or online so like. if any of u ever talk to me one on one pls use the girl pronouns bc im just a silly girl >,< bc like plenty of trans mascs can wear super femme clothes and theyre still valid and theyre still boys so why should it be any different for girlie pop? im gonna be so yass and slay yall have no idea. and im gonna have the prettiest perkiest nipples ever looool :3c if anyone knows where to find an auto injector that works with luer lock syringes please lmk and comment on my neocities profile. peace and love to all u crazy gals out there!!! :3
-annie <3
finally back home from uni... it sucks here though but its still better than school work so whatevs. just excited to see my vinyl records and have actual food again lol. updates are probably gonna fluxuate in terms of release bc my mood/state of mind is really shitty at home. thank u for ur continued dedication to reading my silly little blog! :3
happy may everyone! hope everyone else's finals are going well; mine wrapped up on monday so its just me doing essays... working here and there on zine making, hopefully ill have it done in time... i developed some rolls of film today, tomorrow im scanning and learning to print and doing some indesign stuff to finalize the format and everything :3 hoping to have it all done by tomorrow night. better than some of the seniors at the print shop who're trying to print all their work for their senior thesis shows today and then having it all hung tomorrow in time for shows on friday... that level of crunch sounds insane. like i though doing ap submissions over a week was tough >,< i mean its kinda their fault for waiting until the last minute to do all this shit... annie bear is gonna go smoke some weed now bye bye :3
extra update from high annie :3 they put out an hour long LSD dream emulator video... its so fucking crazy to have this shit exist because like even 10 years ago u just had to fucking watch tv and suck it up that u didnt have crazy specific custom tailored content just for ur weird dumb ass... im eating leftovers from the other night and i think i only like ranch when im super high and hungry bc that shit tasted like ass tonight. either that or old ranch just tastes like shit. i wouldnt know bc i only just started getting ranch in the past like 2 weeks. japan only seems fun if youre rich tbh. like tons of shit to do there is just capitalist bullshit. omg im so edgy tonight >,< wonder why that is...
hi everypony. it is 3:50am when im writing this. i am high. i wonder if ill still have this post up by morning bc omg this is slightly embarassing... all i did today was record music and party >:3c like my left fingers are absolutely killing me from playing so much guitar and bass...... >,< good night loves! :3
i think its official....... drum roll....... im making a photo zine! :D itll only be a couple of pages, but itll be fun! ill probably post the pdf version on here when its done, with a couple of print versions for my friends and stuff :3 i have the cover and general layout designed, i just need to finish and develop my rolls of film >w< itll be in black and white btw, i only have the abilities to develop b.w film currently... im very excited about it! ive wanted to make a zine for awhile but i just now got inspired to actually go thru with it! stay tuned, im hoping to finalize it by next week!
my yerba mate exploded at work so now im extra pissed and embarassed because i was really looking forward to drinking it. it literally just randomly exploded from the bottom as i was trying to open it... >,< adobe xd is a major pain in the ass still, shouts out to the brave soldiers making their careers in UI...
really shitty day today... technically, im writing this on the 27th at 1am, but i meant to write earlier so it counts >,< one of my favorite classes got partially cancelled bc my professor was out of town. we still had to show up in person for a 5 minute quiz; i had to walk more than halfway across campus just for that... then i had my really shitty lecture, then my poetry class. at least poetry's fun :3 but i got super not good feeling and super overstimmed to everything around like 7pm when i went to try to eat... i only got a tiny salad bc my appetite went completely away as i was getting a headache and feeling awful >,< i just laid down until like midnight; i ordered a calzone off the internet and ate that so now im feeling better :3 plus it was big enough for there to be leftovers! i have to get up at 8:30 to get ready for work, so i think ill log off for the night... good night to my lovely readers :3
poopy butt... so burnt out from final projects and shit that i dont wanna do anything but listen to music >,< i got tickets for faye webster!!! shes performing at my uni and im so fucking excited!!!!!!!! shes the best and im so excited omgomgomg :3 chicken nuggets would go crazy rn... or that pasta from the restaurant i really like here... i hate school!!!! >:P the main update for today is in music btw. i wanna get cuter blankets and lamps and stuff, just wanna make my dorm / room really nice and stuff... >,<
it feels like i only ever write on here when im at work, i guess me currently writing this at work isnt helping my case at all... 420 yesterday was fun ^_^ i smoked fat doinks at a picnic in the cemetary and went to a couple of parties, very fun :3 i need to buy a glockenspiel bc its one of my favorite instruments and anytime its on a song i fall in love with it immediately lol :3
hehe happy weed day :3
omgggggggg i feel like ASS today. big poopy dumb dumb. i wanna eat five guys... i skipped two of my classes today; only went to my lab and to my poetry class. i should probably switch my outfit but idc its fine. its this mini skirt + huge parka combo, with an adidas track jacket underneath the parka. going for the kim pine look a bit, forgot it makes u look bitchy cute :3 i think if i have to use adobe xd again in my life im gonna explode, i absolutely hate using it. its the most frustrating thing ever; to all the ui / ux people out there im so so sorry. it feels like theres two spikes being dug into the muscles on my shoulders. need monster...
slay or die mfs. teehee :3 anyways im at work again, super super bored... i lowkey wanna reread chainsaw man again because its so fucking good. or flcl. especially the flcl manga, its so fucking good... if u watched flcl and liked it you should absolutely read the fucking manga!!!!!!!! :3 im such a nerd holy shit hehe. im so fucking subtle with it too, (at least in person) like irl im just a girl. a very cute sexy one at that too lol :3 i think im just a ride or die t4t babe forever ever, like come on. its almost too obvious, at least for me hehe :3 im just a dyke omg. a slut and a dyke and a sexy mf lol. idk thats about it, you might see a music update later today but yeah. love yall!! :3
-annie <3
HAPPY HOMESTUCK DAY!!! :3 silly hehe :3 its soooo hot today omg... i may be wearing the shirt i woke up in to work... please please hopefully no one smells it......... 0_0 urm anyways stinky femcel shit aside i had a kinda busy day yesterday! i had classes until 6pm, then a fun little trans club thingy until 8, and then played guitar with my friend until 10! very cool, i just wish i went to sleep at a normal time then... 2am... >,< and then i had to get up this morning at 8:30 for work!!! this probably sounds like a dream to many who have to wake up at 5am... sorry! >,< i feel like though i function better when i wake up super early, like 5am. i had to get on planes and stuff at 5am, and of course you sleep for like an hour on them and dont do much work but still... you have to drive and stuff... its all a blur usually until like 9am though so maybe not... no caffeine this morning! (even though i had a monster at 9pm last night... 0_0) omg im a real stinker arent i... playing vashti bunyan at work today, was playing some ichiko aoba before hand to see what i actually wanted to play hehe :3 my hand's itchy... the tea smells like a farm for some reason...
jesus fucking christ i fucking absolutely hate adobe xd. holy shit. we have to use it for my graphic design class, it was just introduced to us... its so... dumb!!!! and nothing works how it should. i am a ride-or-die photoshop babe apparently lol :3 my eyes hurt... very stressful week compared to like. every other week in this semester holy shit. they really are trying to cram everything in. i need a beer and some weed holy shit. head hurty now too... i need wifey to save me bc this sucks super bad >,< anyways um little miss ball of negativity is gonna move on lol. my grandma got me a photo book from the 70s-80s with like mainly black and white photo work so thats cool hehe :3 i want to get more notebooks and maybe a kaweco fountain pen but i really dont want to spend any money right now... this notebook looks particular nice :3 its even on sale... i might have to get it idk >w<
i need to go to an atm but its really annoying and out of the way... eepy af because i was up until 3am making this project for class and just stress in general... super stressed >,< i have to sign up for classes and drop one of my classes and figure out what im doing over the summer and paying loans and blah blah blah... annoying..... anyways um i may have gotten super high at monster jam and i may have been hung over from it until like yesterday which is always super super fun! :D im going crazy my sinuses keep messing with my head its awful and the weather says its 64 out but it feels like 75 and my legs are all sweaty and gross and i just wanna take a nap and a bath... we're designing UI in my graphic design class, fun fun... >,<
i love my new pen lol :3 ive been here and there the past couple of days, a bit busy here and there... super super super rainy and nasty on tuesday, had to do a lot of video editting that night... surprised i didnt mention any of that in the 4.4.2023 post lol. also please check out lam's site, shes really cool! :3 jfc the spotify playlist at work has some super good songs– duster, kate bush deep cuts, mitski, hope sabdival... so cool hehe! going to monster jam this weekend so excited!!!!!!!! i think with that piece of information yall can probably pin point where i live... 0_0 woopsies! catch me if u can!!! im gonna hopefully play guitar and catch up with my friend this weekend too so thats fun!! :D ive been using colon d alot more in my emoticon vocabulary its fun and silly teehee :3 i want to buy more pens and notebooks but like... i shouldnt be buying so much shit its not good for me weak little wallet... i get to leave work and see my gf soon so thats cool :3 im so silly hehe...! me and my coworker are talking about elliott smith some more, he has original either/or and figure 8 posters :O so cool!!!!! very very jealous... >,<
i should probably fix the style sheets on the site a bit more, because im currently using two div classes every single time i write any of these when i could probably use none. this girl on my floor keeps coughing loud as fuck in the halls. shes had this cough since october so either shes got like a cronic illness or she refuses to see the doctor on campus... the wind is absolutely terrible today and now its starting to pour... one of my classes got cancelled because of a burst pipe in the building leaving a lot of the building flooded.... >,< the building's like well over a hundred years old but still holy shit. uploading a bunch of shit from my computer onto the cloud rn bc i dont wanna use my wii's hard drive lol. i should watch more movies on my ps2; i had kill bill on dvd playing yesterday while i was working on video editing and it was actually pretty fun and cool. better alternative to getting sucked into tiktok for like 30 straight minutes lol. i really should put my discord on here... i have an about page btw if u wanna visit it, u can get to it by clicking the little maryam icon on the landing page or click here. my fountain pen is supposed to be coming in today so excited!!! ill update with a photo of it later tonight :3 i exclusively journal in red ink bc im quirky but my fountain pen is supposed to be preloaded with black ink so i guess im gonna change to black ink for journaling now lol :3 gonna be writing like a ton of letter because i wanna use tf out of that pen as soon as it comes in hehe
silly maxxing af rn. erm anyways im in the process of sewing some shit teehee ill update yall once its finished, im gonna probably sew some cool text in either blue or white in the center after im done with the other half... havent updated in a bit because ive been hanging out with wifey hehe :3 i went thrifting a couple days and got dvds and tank tops and a cute little tote. im a little stinker. i need to start this video due tomorrow but i havent done shit yet... >,< i made a playlist of my fav songs from tiktok but i need to gatekeep some of them so yall get no peaksies hehe (gatekeeping talking heads and weezer lol) my fountain pen was supposed to come yesterday but now its coming tomorrow dang it >,< erm anyways heres a gif i made awhile ago :3 i wanna get more stationary to write letters with soon.... also need to get some new stamps soon >,< okay thats all byeeee :3
-annie <3
UPDATE!!! i ran out of thread so here's what i have so far... finally stopped procrastinating about my project so now im editing and recording audio for it... lameeee... :3
the slut (me) has returned >:3 made a little submission for @lullilak on insta, check it here! i think we need a tone indicator for when ur being silly, like /:3 or smth. i need to let people know of just how silly i can get. jfc i think this entire site is like silly x10000000 lol :3c silly silly silly! im at work so im just like super fucking bored... clogs came in today, theyre so cute! they have kinda big heels on them too so im really tall now >:3c love being like 5'8 now lol :3 i also sold a bunch of my records at the record store yesterday so thats fun; saving it all for a car or an apartment :3 thats all for now, might write more in a bit! byeee!!! :3
i accidentally had the last log's date as the 27th instead of the 29th... please dont judge me for copy and pasting my own code... anyways im reading this article from the nyt (ew i know) for class and its actually really good. i would provide a free-to-view pdf version but idk how to do that and i dont want to like get a cease and desist or some shit for publishing it on here lol. just google "Beyond Catastrophe, A New Climate Reality Is Coming Into View, By David Wallace-Wells" on google i guess lol. im really into climate shit lol. its so cool that u can just dm people from on here if they link their discord and just chat them up lol, even from like the biggest sites on here :3 lots of cool dudes on neocities hehe! um i am easily the biggest bum at work. i just sit at the front desk and occassionally screen calls. i just code and text and fart and read articles and shit all shift lol. i should have taken pictures of the snow last night but it was too cold... need to use the mamiya more so i can justify actually buying a good film stock instead of just sticking with the really shitty grainy shit because i dont shoot enough to justify buying like tmax or whatever. i forgot to get my 35mm canon slr body from home when i was there last... >,< poopy... keep listening to joni mitchell. im literally lain irl but crazier. totally off-putting psycho who claws at her skin to stim lol. im glad though that i cut my nails pretty short because whenever i grow them out at all i just keep biting at them until they eventually fall off. its like edging for my fingers. thats fucking gross sorry yall hehe >,< im so silly :3 silly silly silly! i sent the link to my site to one of my friends and she just started talking about lamps and i was so confused and she had to remind me the landing page's bg is a pic of lamps i took... quite silly of me :3 i took that photo on my mamiya in like early 2019 i believe if yall were wondering :3 i love to colon three its my fav thing to do. i use it as a form of punctuation most of the time instead of using a period which i find to be quite strange :3 because a period is too serious to just end a silly sentence on yknow? anyways i think thats all, i need to go to the bathroom at work so bye bye for rn :3
-annie <3
um just wrote a fuck ton for the music page, click the spinning disc in the corner of music to see bc holy shit i did like wayyyy too much for what was supposed to be a single post lol. i love this site holy fuck. so glad i did the overhaul it feels like so much better to code for and to look at imo. just helped run a trans affinity group open mic night, i didnt expect it to be much but it was fun! we had someone playing bass and a lot of people reciting their poems, really cool stuff :3 been practicing guitar a bit more, it still sounds like stupid simple shit but its getting there! i still need to sell my omnichord... my tax return came in today so i got myself some clogs :3 wifey is supposed to come over tomorrow so im excited!!! im gonna be writing her a letter after i wrap up updating the site >w< i rearranged the books on my desk a bit too, so its a little more compact with a lot more books. i also brought my huge comme des garcons book from home, its truely gigantic comparing to my other books lol. also pretty fragile; the dust cover is printed on this really thin, almost see-through paper. i also stole one of my moms old pairs of glasses lol. it was snowing really hard earlier and i lowkey wanted to take my mamiya out to take pics of it but it was really too cold for it... plus i dont have a tripod with me rn and theres nothing to take photos of around here really and everyone would know that i just took the photo because the snow was heavy as fuck. like ohh a college dorm with a fuck ton of snow would be cool if it wasnt a fucking ugly ass college dorm lol. im actually so stoked on neocities in general, like u can just self-publish whatever on here as long as its not hateful or illegal its great. okay love yall thanks again for reading!!!!!
-annie <3
i miss my wife... (i literally last saw her saturday morning; for context im writing this on monday at 12:30am so basically only a day after lol) i shot some video of my record collection to make a funny video showing off my records but im too lazy tonight to actually edit some funny little meme to pass around my discord friends lol. ive been learning to use my laptop more, as i used to exclusively use it for working on. i kinda blame my new-found usage of the computer on getting these wired headphones. ive probably talked about my new headphones already but still. theyre great lol. i love music sooo much omg. my moms boyfriend was showing me this fountain pen he got when they went to a pen convention and convinced me to get into the market of lamy fountain pens. so i guess my mom is getting me one now lol. not even weirded out or anything by it those pens are fucking great. love pens love writing. i need to write more letters; i need to get like actual stationary instead of just getting notecards whenever i visit a museum. i wanna get glasses eventually but not in the "im going blind" way bc that sucks kinda. i just find glasses to be really cute. (believe it or not, wifey does in fact wear glasses hehe :3) and then id want to wear contacts sometimes and that seems scary af. i cannot believe they used to make contacts out of glass that is legit so scary omg. ive been infodumping a lot today for some reason. i want jimmy johns. and a mcflurry. i should play portal 2 again but i dont have a seperate mouse for my computer so thatll have to wait a bit. and idek if my mac can run portal 2 at all >,< im a little hungry but i have my retainers in and im only in the mood for a milkshake weirdly enough so no midnight snacking. EVIL! EVIL! mwah ha ha >:3
bye for now!! <3 annie
i love the phrase "band-aid on a bullet hole," its so unnecessarily violent lol. anyways um speaking of being unnecessary i overhauled the whole site lol, hope yall like it! :3
trying to figure out what to use as a wallpaper for the landing page... >,< also general structure of it... give me some time please! :3 ive been wearing alot of this old perfume i have that i sometimes used to wear, its weird and subtle but i like it :3 its odeur 71 by cdg if u wanted to know
WHY IS IT SO FUCKING HOT IN THIS CLASSROOM???? (this is in all caps btw) did you know about why elmers glue doesn't advertize that its edible? because it very much is and its very nutritious! the consumption of horses is legal in the united states, however, killing and selling horse product for the intention for consumption is very much illegal, at the federal level even! thats why elmers doesnt say anything on the yummy bottle of cream! theres actually many yummy recipes that incorporate elmers glue into them– try them out for yourself! :3 silly hehe!
-annie <3
I LOVE MY GF!!! i might marry her idk yet blehh! :3 anyways i made a funny little video for her earlier because she had to go home after an... extended sleepover lol. she spent all of spring break together with me in my tiny ass dorm because my roommate was home lol :3 i wanna go to nyc or the town my friends live in by train again with wifey because thatd be so fun, but hotels are like dumby expensive for some reason... like seriously why is there no low budget hotel options downtown; your only options are hiltons at like $150 minimum plus stupid fees that shouldnt even be there... blehhhh whatevs... ive been using my computer alot more as of late because these new headphones i got are wired so they dont work with my iphone. i should get a dongle or something but honestly i enjoy using my computer alot more, plus its got a much better battery life and a nicer screen. and a not broken charger that has a cable big enough to stretch from one end of my room to another... i think that says more about how small my room is than anything... >,< i need to journal in my physical journal more; when im with wifey i tend to forget to write because even though we like to do alot of parallel play writing in a notebook is like too much and feels to seperate idk... bleh... i wanna reformat the site a bit, actually like think about it and mood board a bit before just diving straight into coding and thinking of details like "oh what pallet am i going for for the site" and stuff while i go... i wanna go for something kinda freeform-feeling like on the homepage for nat's site, but im not sure how i would do that execution wise. still wanna try to do a revamp of the layout, and maybe incorporating a new color into the overall pallet? so far ive only used that single shade of pink plus b&w, but ive added a new pink for links on the site you've already visited just to play with colors for a bit... im thinking some sort of green that contrasts well with the main pink i use? maybe a light blue, maybe a bright red, idk yet... bleh! love yall thank u for reading for so long! i might make an archive page so that the home page isnt so long to scroll through... byeeeeeee!!!!!
-annie <3
hung over... updating music... done! so inspired by my gf installing linux on her laptop just like while shes on her stay here hehe so im coding and doing more on the website... baby's first coding project compared to what shes doing even though ive done this like so many times before lol. i love aphex twin so much holy shit lollll i fell out of bed this morning and hurt my toes :<
i just made this for wifey
-annie <3
9.9.24 this is embarassing lol, cute enough to keep on here i guess
i want a latte... at work again, its raining and storming kinda hard here... i wanna eat a bit but like i cant take a break at the start of my shift lol. i love the new strawberry flavored monster omg. my eye hurts lol, i lowkey want to get the nasty ass pizza from my dining hall rn. im very bored. very. tired. lol. i just wanna go home and nap with wifey... i wanna get five guys again but me and wifey went out to dinner on wednesday and i spent alot already... >,< me when i spend all my money on food and books and other trinkets lol. i feel like spongebob in that one episode where he became an incel and made friends with a tissue and a potato chip. and a penny. hehe okay byeee!
-annie <3
another blizzard... its particularly cold here today. its spring break rn but i wanted to stay on campus and be with my gf the whole time. im at work right now; she was too tired to come with me to work today. slowly working on my transfer application, hope ill hear back sooner rather than later. ive gotta celebrate getting it in today though once im back at home with wifey; maybe ill take her to five guys hehe :3 we both really like burgers with jalapenos and bacon on them. weve been surviving off microwave curry and dining hall food the past couple days because i blew all my money at wegmans and getting like two dinners for us... i wish we could do more right now, but its too cold and snowy to really like do anything... im a little sick i think, my nose has been kinda stuffy. these headphones i got are just the best omg... we had work off yesterday because of the blizzard; it was hard enough just getting to the dining hall lol. i couldnt imagine driving in that weather yesterday, absolutely brutal. i should try shooting a bit on my camera today, havent used my mamiya in like a week and a half. still pretty eepy; staying up until nearly 4am doing laundry and drinking bud light will do that to you lol... bye for now! :3
-annie <3
sup nerds B3 (:3 with sunglasses) i am at my job. swag af. so swag. anyways i got some new headphones because my $18 wired headphones broke... theyre these really nice sony studio monitor type things with this really really long springy cable, so itll be purrfect to use with my little amp i have ^_^ shoutouts to the cardigans and the carpenters lol. me and my gf went to get coffee with my photography friend; it was a lot of me and my friend talking about cameras and a bit of all of us talking about videogames >w< ive been using discord a lot more... real femcel behavior... i got some new cds too; check out the music tab for updates! im transferring universities, my application is due on the 15th... fiona apple the queen :3 i need to get into the habit of journaling more... i journal a lot still but it gets a bit infrequent at times... a class just got out from the auditorium across the hall and there's all these students outside the glass facade of the printshop... i love working the front desk ^_^ me when i smoke weed, "touch grass?" i cant! i smoked it all!!! :3 bingle :3 maia's vernacular has infected me and my gf's vocabulary... i have to do some scans in a bit for the portfolio im sending for the uni transfer, bye bye!!!
-annie <3
im going to get sushi tonight with one of my friends ^__^ its been like awhile since ive gotten it... like a good half a year maybe? something crazy like that. anyways, im not up to much today, just trying to crunch some weekend work before the weekend because im going out of town to visit my mom and tour a college i might transfer to... gonna watch cocaine bear on sunday with my gf when i get back into town :3 i havent looked at any promo material yet, just like i know its about a bear that eats a ton of cocaine. sounds funny and goofy and dumb; if we hate it we can just walk out though lol. i wonder if they have a discount ticket day like my amc had... like every tuesday i think it was? idk i never go to the movies anymore. would only go for like everything everywhere all at once coming back to theatres or something. my class work load as of late has been really poopy shit, especially with my cronic procrastination... this is a symptom of that, fucking will do anything except photoshop some dumb shit for graphic design class lol. anyways thats all, still rereading nevada :3 byeeeee
-annie <3
hope you all had a really good valentines!!! i need to get a bit of work done this weekend– going into the darkroom today to develop a roll of 120 film, and then i need to made a rough cut of this short film for my visual story-telling class... that i havent started yet... outside of filming a single scene... yikes... anyways, i been reading a lot recently, check out the books section for a long needed update! :3 me and my girlfriend went on a really cute date to this pasta place for valentines and got a cake to share afterwards, it was so fun!!! then the next day we both smoked way too much weed at like 5pm and got really bad weed hangovers... my sweetheart is still suffering from a really bad headache and a cough from it... >,< i wish i was there for her now to take care of her... i rearranged my room and hung a couple of prints i made at work yesterday, so my room looks even more awesome sauce than before! its kinda surprising i made some of these photos i printed yesterday in high school omg... thats so incredible!!! i made a little shrine of my darling right by where i sleep with photos of her and a print she gave to me that she also made in highschool, so cuuuute!!! >w< anyways, thats all for today so far! have a good weekend!
-annie <3
theres an absolutely deadly blizzard going on outside, super super freezing out... luckly, im currenting at work in my only–slightly–chilly front desk of the job im current at. i should get a space heater for here, my feet are quite cold... im even wearing my fingerless gloves as i type lol. ive temporarily removed the clothing tab from the navi bar on the side since it doesnt seem like ill update it anytime soon. if u still wish to access it though, you can click here to visit the long abandoned page lol. just started reading detransition, baby, its pretty good so far! its making me a bit introspective about motherhood and stuff, so thats cool lol. i wanna get a full adidas tracksuit eventually... the greep has inspired me lol. listen to black midi's hellfire if u havent yet, its easily one of the best albums of last year. my goodness we're already in a new year! and im starting to impliment proper grammatical rules into my internet journal! of course, none of us are safe from my spelling lol. stay safe out there, it can be quite dangerous in a blizzard yall!
-annie <3
currently having an epiphany rn about my life... thanks hazel! anyways i did nothing all day except be on my phone and eat boneless wings! i hate my roommate and his mid kpop that he cant wear headphones for
-annie <3
holy fucking bingle. that shit is so fucking funny omgggg shoutouts to it. um anyways recent events have inspired me to update the blog again lol. my girlfriend left my dorm today after staying here for the weekend ;n; so sad omg i miss her!!!! we smoked so much weed together it was epic :3c um anyways she got the wii working fully so thats fun!! i wanted to go to cvs after my late ass classes but i was so tired and so cold that i just went back to my dorm bc im probably just gotta instacart some shit from wegmans... i wanted to get ice cream from the dining hall but they didnt have any and i was really sad... i need to do some readings for class tomorrow but its not like super super necessary for this class and plus i wanna get high since my first class tomorrow is at 12:30 :3 late class start days are always the best!!!!! unless they have non stop classes until 8pm like today...... brutal... gonna drop one of the classes in the middle of that chunk since it could free up so much time and it has far too much reading to be viable. wish i had more snacks than just mid cookie dough... okay byeee nothing else i can remember to say at this moment lol
-annie <3
at work right now... my first days back at uni are going well! ive been keeping up with all my work a lot better. its very cold today– outside and at work– and i accidentally dressed far too light... i wanted to just wear a cute little jacket and a cami to look a bit hot, but its kinda backfiring... i should have just worn my big chunky sweater... me and my gf went on a super cute date last night! we went to get food at this really good italian restaurant in town, and then went to this little bakery/cafe behind the restaurant afterwards. she got a milkshake and a cakepop, and i got a sparkling matcha lemonade and a slice of cheesecake. we still need to eat the cheesecake together; i took it back to my dorm because i was way too full from dinner to eat anything else last night. same with my gf, she saved her cake pop. shes at my dorm right now sleeping, but im worried she'll get pretty hungry in a bit and she wont be able to make like an actual meal for herself ;n; i want my girl to eat good!! i wanna add more cute animated elements to the website to overload it with more cuteness, but thatll definitely take some time to come up with what to animate and then to actually make it in photoshop... ummm i recommend hazel on youtube highly, shes literally my fav rn her videos are so well done and niche and cute and her voice is so calming... highly highly recommend!! also trying to get through fire punch, but its ummm... a bit tough to read content wise 0_0 maybe ill start up flcl again? bocchi? mob psycho season 3? we shall see... oh idk if ive mentioned this yet, but my gf is basically modding a wii for me at my place right now; she gave me one of her spare tvs too! this is the setup shes running right now rofl. so now ill have a super duper cool gaming setup with a wii that has like... so so many games on it... she told me shes trying to get all nes, snes, gameboy, ps1, genesis, n64, gamecube, and wii games plus yume nikki all on one hard drive for me to connect to the wii to play with on it which is like... so super crazy hard and so sweet of her, i love her so so so much shes literally the bestest everest!!!!!!!!!! get yall a nerdy girlfriend yall hehe! anyways byeeee have a good weekend!
-annie <3
i should really either update the clothes tab or get rid of it... ive been playing a lot of yume 2kki lately! been really stressed with having medical testing and orthodontist appointments lately, i just wanna go back to uni..... i really miss my gf >,< i uploaded my most recent topster to the music tab!
anyways byeeee have a good week!
-annie <3
new year new me!!! hello everyone its been awhile... lots have changed since my last update– im going to university, i started doing injections for my hrt, and i have a wonderful girlfriend!! ive had a lot of ups and downs since i started uni– especially downs... lots of assholes who i tend to be friends with... anyways my social life shouldnt really be something my tiny online audience should be worried about lol. im gonna do a bit of an overhaul on the website, mainly on the clothes page which has been untouched for many moons >,< also thinking about remaking the icons on the side bar, maybe removing the text? streamlining it a bit? we'll see... me and my girlfriend are gonna take a train together to see my friend soon, so im really excited about that! shes also lending me one of her old tvs and a wii so that i can play my videogames in my dorm! lots of fun >u< she made me this cute little playlist of songs that she likes and that remind her of me; listening to it while i write all of this is very calming and nice... hehe love her so much >////< ive been playing a lot of pokemon black and yume 2kki, those are like my total favs rn! anyways i think thats all, bye now!
oh btw i use annie now, its a cute shortening of langley that i love to use
<3 annie
depressing day today... nothing to do, just very rainy. i got a coffee at the store, and now im watching a movie. its all about lily chou chou, i dont really like it so far. my bestie is away in new york right now, and isnt coming back until wednesday. even then, he doesnt want to meet up to hang out. sorry for airing out my personal business; im very lonely right now lol... i hope yalls day is okay, though. i think im going to go to otakon next month, hopefully i can find some good cds. hoping for someone with a ton from the pillows or something, since its usually all imported from japan. im also going to try to find some japanese ps1 games; despite not playing video games at all i still collect for my japanese ps1 here and there. kinda pissed they took scott pilgrim off of netflix. seriously, netflix is super terrible as of late. i have been wanting to get this squier 70s p bass for about a week, but ive been searching for a bass for a pretty long time. i have given up on trying to be okay at guitar, since ive tried a seperate 4 times to actually get good at it. since i was a kid i thought bass was cooler anyways, i think id do better playing bass. i originally wanted a rickenbacker 4001 like haruko from flcl, but theyre way way too expensive for me right now. so i was trying to find a cheaper bass that still sounded good and looked cool. after a bit of searching here and there, i settled on this one. hopefully i actually practice on it lol... i want to be in a band, and i want to be the singer and bassist. girls who do that are soo cool; i wanna be just like them. i think thats about it, and that i graduated high school finally. ciao, navi
<3 langley
happy mothers day! i just bawled my
eyes out to fucking juno. juno.
with michael cera. anyways watch that
fucking movie! its good!
OMGGGG yall... YALL..... im so sorry for keeping yall waiting for 3 MONTHS!!!!!! that's cray cray!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry but like this is really dumb on my part for just... not writing lol. anyways i just posted something under music, just press music on the sidebar (bc i dont want to link it in the text here and like fuck something up lol) anyways i am currently in the mits or however u spell that saying of finals! highschool huh 0_0 jk its pretty easy thats why im able to write to yall! i submitted my shit to ap for my 2d studio art ap on tuesday so thats good. all b&w film photography >:] IM DIFFERENT AF!!! NOTHING LIKE THESE BASIC BITCHES!!!!!!!!! i just bought this new product for my hair and for some reason its making it look blonder!!! love it! (i am blonde btw) its supposed to be for curls (its the shea moisture silicone free miracle style leave-in treatment, got that info from @milkymilkymilf on tiktok, get on tt if you arent its fun) but hey whatever it does both so win win. listening to mitski retired from sad rn because i havent listened to it in awhile. i only really like mitski's last 4 albums, im just not too hot on her early stuff. except for the live versions of her early stuff, when she does those live theyre so good. i cut my foot walking over to the neighbors house to drop off amazon that was given to us instead... never walk on the road barefoot girls lol. loool wait yall need to see my setup rn. so fucking funny I DOING HOT GIRL SHIT :3c anyways anyone trying to get into mitski listen to mitski on audiotree live ep first then bury me and youll be obsessed and just like ur fav femcel babe baddy xD (me :[ ) anyways i can outsing mitski any day of the week i went to her concert in dc in march and everyone was cheering me on and not her like it was so crazy. she was super jelly too she complimented my constant screaming at the end (please let there have been video of the very end of the mitski show on 3,27,2022 where she says someone has a very deep diaphram or something and that they should be a singer i have been trying to find that clip everywhere and i cant find it...) anyways thats about it... expect slightly more frequent updates very (maybe not very) soon! (and maybe not soon)
langley <3<3
i just realized the font i chose for that doesnt have caps... i wrote like a 1/4 of it in caps looool
sorry babes for the lack of attention and updates >,< reading about a certain website had me fucking paranoid as shit about uploading pics on here but thankfully its all good. yall cant trace my ass with metadata analysis!!! >:] but reading about that and sending some of the photos on the site thru it to make sure you couldnt shit provoked me to do some writing on here finally. i was initially going to upload my article on margiela last week but then i bought another margiela sweater so the article is on hold until i take more photos of my new piece and write the individual descriptions of each piece. hint hint, the new piece is a newer mm6 piece. (even got it new with tags, such a steal >:] ) recently ive been doing a ton of journaling on my libretto 50ct palmtop so thats been keeping me busy besides photography and school and sewing. i am planning to make a journal page on the navi bar that'll archive these journal/ update posts so that anyone can view them at any point. so look forward to new updates babes– thanks for over 1400 views already!! far from how many i had on my previous site but hey its a start... lol. anyways im gonna go journal about this on the palmtop and be super #lainpilled and techy and nerdy and shit lol. okay ciao babes
-langley <3
im waiting for my puberty 2 vinyl to come in the mail because its out for delivery today but the mail still hasn't come... which isn't unusual i guess since that mf be coming at 6pm with our shit sometimes but whatever. i got the new yzy gap hoodie and its so nice and plush and comfy because i bought an xxl lol. but like its just a black hoodie really like you cant really mess that up. ive just been listening to a lot of the emergency intercom podcast lately because its like so fucking funny and fun to listen to its great. lots of music lots of fun. i need to go ahead and order my hrt already but i need to jump through some hoops first and i need money and im waiting on my paycheck and omg theres just alot going on i guess... lol whatever what happens happens. hopefully this blog doesnt turn into an actual journal where i just vent constantly because omg that would be actually embarassing just having all my emotions and shit out in the open for yall... hopefully i can post my margiela fashion post this week once one of my pieces comes in since i need to take photos of that for the post to be complete... okay bye besties xoxo
-ms maryam
UPDATE!!! just got the mitski vinyl in; they really did come at 6:30pm to deliver my record huh >,<